Tell me honestly, what is your marriage like?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Been together for 10 years, married for 7 and two children aged 5 and 2.

Some days everything feels fine but other days there just seems to be an awkward atmosphere in the house. We are having one of those days today’s.

He’s a great man, supportive of all I want to do, he does his fair share around the house and is wonderful with our two children - but sometimes I just don’t know if he’s happy.

I’m always asking him if he’s okay, but he just tells me he’s fine.

We have days where we just chill out together with the children and it’s fun and we enjoy each other’s company, but then on other days I feel like I’m walking on egg shells and trying to get a smile or sentence out of him is hard work.

If he’s unhappy in the marriage I would rather him just tell me because this constant doubt I have is wearing me down.

I posted a few weeks ago because something just didn’t feel right and now here I am again. Maybe being with each other constantly due to the lockdown is magnifying things, I don’t know.

Is this normal? I don’t know.

Should it still be all excitement and constant kissing and cuddles and fast heart rates when I see him and big smiles when I get a text message off him? I remember when we first met and it used to be like that and stayed that way for many years.

I don’t know, it’s just different now.

I don’t even know what I’m talking about really. I just needed to get it off my chest because I’m feeling a bit down.

I am too scared to talk to anyone in real life in case they tell me how happy they are their marriages, how in love they are with each other, and so my marriage is inevitably over.

Should it still be all excitement and constant kissing and cuddles and fast heart rates when I see him and big smiles when I get a text message off him

What after 10’years? Blimey no wonder you feel disappointed.

If you still like each other I think you’re ahead of many.

With my dh 27 years, lived together 26. Married 22. Two dc aged 17 and 10. We have a good friendship but have had had a tough last ten years. I am a second wife which caused problems for the first few years but I think ultimately we love each other and are in for the long haul. We have a child suffering from depression and a child who cannot sleep the night alone so comes into us every night. And we still manage to have a hug or a kiss even if they Hoover up every minute we have spare at the moment. I am so glad I married him and he says the same.

Do he's happy and giggly for the kids, but sullen and moody with you?

That's not right. Tell us more about this aspect @QueenofmyPrinces

I don’t feel excluded from the family, both boys are definitely mummy’s boys so I think that’s why husband has so much fun with them when I’m elsewhere because he gets their full attention as opposed to them wanting to be with me.

I kind of kept out of his way last night but towards bedtime I did ask him again what had been wrong all day and he said he was just having a day where he didn’t feel like talking. He said that quite miserably without any real attempt to make eye contact.

He seems completely normal this morning though, all smiles and chatty so maybe he was just having an off day.

I think you should stop worrying about his happiness and focus on your own.

If hes having time with the boys, have time to yourself! A long walk or read a book! Dont take it as he doesnt want to spend time with you.

I'm definitely have a need for my own time but with a little one and working, I'm usually burnt out by the evening so sometimes I dont feel like talking.

Are you naturally anxious or just in regards to your relationship?

Some couples are really cuddly and some aren't.some communicate well and others dont. It's what works for you both.

We've been through some tough times. Married for 12 yrs.

However, much to my surprise, during lockdown we have really rekindled our relationship and are having a great laugh with one another. Not what I expected at all.

I've been with my partner 9.5 years, since I was 20. We have a 1.5 year old. Before DS we had a very physical passionate relationship. I put on a lot of weight in pregnancy and have had a terrible problem with back and pelvis. Lost all self confidence. We are trying to work on re-building our passion and flirting. I think it's natural it ebbs and flows but I still find him the most gorgeous man and want to kiss him constantly.

I don't think there is any "right" way to be in a relationship it's what makes you both happy

It does sound like he has some communication issues and perhaps puts up barriers sometimes? A lot of men are like that - mine certainly is! Us women like to talk when we feel a bit down, men are inclined to clam up. That isn’t a get out clause though, I think it’s worth having a good natured / kind chat with him about how that worries you. Don’t sound accusing but also be honest about how you feel, ask him for ideas about how to bring about a closer connection again.
BUT I would probably leave that chat until after lockdown has finished. Everything feels more stressful at the moment.