People separated from partners in quarantine...how are you coping?

[Flyingplum]

I’ve been ok-ish, but this week I’ve felt so lonely and miserable and am not coping very well. I live alone and am missing my partner like crazy. Video calls and so on have been a nice stop gap, but I’m really missing his physical touch. I keep just bursting into tears and can’t focus on anything.

Is anyone else feeling like this? I know it’s a stupid thing in the scheme of other people’s struggles, but I just can’t shake the sadness.

It’s been 4 weeks apart so far for us which isn’t as bad as some others I know. Some days I’m fine and others I’m not - today is the latter, probably the start of another week wfh without the prospect of seeing him at the weekend that’s done it.

We’ve both been really compliant so far, even though we’re low risk. Both live alone, wfh, only shop once a week. I just don’t want to be seen to be flouting the rules, mainly because I work in the health sector so want to be seen ‘doing my bit’.

That said, I might be a lot more tempted to see him if there isn’t an element of common sense applied when they start to phase out the lockdown. Having people in single person households kept apart when other groups such as the 20 -30 year old could travel around would test my willingness to keep to the rules.

Struggling so so much today .he wants to come down and risk being caught . My ex has said he won’t have the kids if my dp visits me . My ex is being controlling but I can’t do anything. I too could cope with another couple of weeks but it’s going to be June at earliest I fear. We live in different places due to both having kids so it would mean one of us not seeing our kids for lockdown if we chose to be with each other (not enough room to all be in one house ) . Surely seeing a partner is necessary for mental health ??? I feel like my human rights are being totally trampled on

Struggling here too - but I'm lucky as two of my three adult children have moved back from uni for the duration so at least I have company and I'm still working so my life hasn't changed that much. However my BF is totally alone, no income for three months (dentist) no idea if he will have a job when lockdown is lifted and is really struggling,. He came to my house after the first two weeks were over but both felt so guilty that we couldn't do it again. But I'm really worried about him - is there really that much risk? Neither of us nor my children have any underlying health problems, all fit and strong and exercise regularly.

It makes us want to risk 'it' especially when I read on here about people whose neighbours are having parties and visitors and not 'suffering' any fall out.

Omg in your situation I would just get him to move in with you ! I’m only not letting dp come down to see me because vengeful ex husband is saying he won’t have the kids as usual if dp and I see each other in lockdown (

I'm struggling too, my fiance lives 90 Mike's away, but as well as working full time he cares for his elderly mum who has dementia (she has carers too). We are face timing but it's getting harder and harder each day. Doesn't help that he is such an upbeat person so he is very much thinking this will be over relatively quickly and I'm such a pessimist that I keep thinking it will be at least 2030 before we are allowed out!

Mike's?!!! if only, Mike is quite short so I could walk that! Meant miles obviously!

I am coping ok but what worries me is that when they lift the restrictions in some form I don't think I can see him even then. We will both be working and coming into contact with others so how can we sleep in the same room knowing that we pose an additional risk to each other?
I'm a lone parent and I have no one to look after my children if anything happens to me. Work will be essential. Seeing my partner isn't. Out of the two of us my partner has always been the more insecure one and I don't know how he will feel about my stance.

Northernsoullover surely that would be the same reasoning as if you were living in the same house but both working? Why is it more of a risk if you live in separate houses?

My BF can't move in with us as with me working he would feel totally awkward with my 2 kids there but not me. But once the 'non-essential' travel is lifted to permit his 25 mile journey to mine he will stay with me and I with him.

On a separate note, those of us who have other halves in different locations, do you leave clothes there? I tried to pack some items to leave at BF house but by the time I'd packed warm clothes, cold clothes, fat clothes, thin clothes, 'I-might-not-like-that' clothes I had nothing left at my house!! And I don't have enough items of footwear to leave any there either! I think I have a toothbrush at his house.

@blobby yeah I have my own wardrobe there and loads of my stuff is there ..

I do wish they would make allowances for people who can’t live with their partners for logistical reasons ..

@booboo24 yes same - my partner is so optimistic and thinking of lots of lovely things to do together remotely , but I feel like I never will see him again. I usually find the 5 days in the week we spend apart challenging !

Yes, finding it ok most days and a struggle some days. Today is a struggle!

I miss him so much, and yes I totally miss the sex! I have no insecurities about our relationship, if anything we kind of feel it has made us stronger. We had a conversation at the weekend and have discussed the future as he says he thinks about us moving in together, quite often. We are looking at taking that step in the next 18 months. I still have one offspring still at home and they go to Uni next year, so I think I will be making the move after they have settled into Uni.

I'm grateful he is very positive and communicates well. I think talking about future plans has really helped get us through this. We've both been a stickler for the rules, but we did actually discuss bucking them soon....I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't admit that as I've been quite vocal about people sticking to the rules. He is WFH in a very stable job and not coming into contact with anyone other than shopping, I'm still working on my own and currently living on my own as my DC are at their dad's for 2 weeks.

The temptation to buck the rules is there, especially when I see my neighbours having their parents over to help them with their garden ..but I know sticking to them is the best thing to do. I'd feel guilty for bucking them and couldn't live with myself knowing I'd heightened risk. Today I feel extra wobbly and a bit tearful. I feel for everyone who is separated from loved ones, whether they be partners or relatives. It is hard for everyone.

@Blobby10 but we don't live together and he wouldn't be able to look after my children if anything bad happened to me. I can't eliminate risk but I can reduce it.

@Blobby10 yes I have stuff at my OH's place, but duplicates of things. He bought me a hairdryer to leave there so I don't transport things back and forth. Missing my fave slippers as I have some at his which I prefer to the ones I have at home...first world problems LOL!

I'm sorry for everyone who is struggling. It's hard, isn't it? I had a much better day yesterday, and a really fun ahem skype call last night with DP, who might quite possibly be the sexiest man on the planet ;-)

I miss him like crazy though. I find myself constantly fantasising about when we are going to see each other next, and it is all ridiculously chaste. I think i'm just going to hug him and cry with relief.

In New Zealand, they have allowed two people who both live alone to form their own 'bubble', which tbh makes total sense to me. If you are both living alone, and being very careful about going out and not seeing other people, i don't really see what difference it makes in terms of increasing vectors. If my partner lived alone and in the same city, I'm not sure I'd be able to be so disciplined the way i was feeling at the weekend.

I’m struggling this afternoon. I have another 19 days off work on call before I go back. I live on my own so it’s basically a month without a face to face conversation with anyone other then my cat.

I miss her so much. I just want a hug. I knew I was going to struggle with a LDR even when the initial plan involved us seeing each other once a week and me keeping busy with friends and hobbies. Now I can’t do any of it.

Yes I struggle anyway too with a Ldr - this is my worst nightmare ! We are on FaceTime a lot and even watch films on it ))

Makes me love him even more tho! And a positive I suppose is it will be so so special when we are al reunited with our loves xxx

I was at his at lockdown so stayed put - I had to go home though once they extended lockdown (had to go to work for payroll) and I'm already missing him like crazy, don't know how you are able to cope after 4 weeks! I'm going back to his once the furlough paperwork is completed, luckily I'm the only employee left so I'm not seeing anyone, so socially distancing is not broken

@okiedokieme the only reason I am apart from him is to be with my kids . Wouldn’t for any other reason (

@Northernsoullover - i think this is a difficult one. I think people have kind of forgotten what lockdown was for - it wasn't to stop anyone getting it ever, but to reduce the burden on the NHS. when lockdown ends, it won't be (as you note) that the threat of catching it has passed. But as other PP have said, if you lived together you would have that risk. I guess it's trickier when you have kids, but this is something my partner and i have discussed, because if we wait for a vaccine or it not to be a threat, we'll not see each other until next year sometime. It also essentially means I'll be on my own entirely until then too. Who knows what they will do re: the end of lockdown, but I won't be going to pubs and restaurants and things. But i will probably see my partner and take the increase of risk that i might catch it. i'll keep other things to a minimum (I'll still be able to work from home, for example, I'm lucky) but once we're allowed to see some people again, he's top of my list.

@fentyplenty - given your circumstances you could define as one household though? Why live apart?

@Grobagsforever, it’s just not practical to move in together at the moment. My DD will be returning from uni soon, and I want to be here when she gets back. There isn’t enough space for us each to work from my house once DD is here. And to be honest, I just can’t get my head around the practicalities of packing up enough,of my stuff for a long term interim arrangement if I were to move to his (over an hour away).

Normally it’s work reasons that mean we need to live apart.

Fair enough. But as you're both currently self isolating there's no reason you can't see each. It creates no additional risk.

Lock down is a protective measure, not there to create pointless suffering. It has to be bearable

I can feel myself avoiding him atm, not because I don't miss him but it's much easier to main a stiff upper lip if I don't speak to him.

I miss lying on the sofa with his arm around me while he watches some shite on tv and I read my book.

And shagging, obviously :o

Hooray, I have found my people! I’m finding it really tough, I’m not bothered about most parts of this lockdown but it’s so hard not also being able to stay in safely on his sofa occasionally! We both live with our teenagers, neither of us have space for all of us but apparently that would be ok if we moved in together, just visiting there is not.
Video calls and some serious sexting is helping but it’s just not the same! I am a born again virgin!
To answer your question directly- badly and ungraciously probably covers it.