Covid is making me dislike him!! Is it me!

[Pedaltoday]

I live with my partner have done for years but have never had a good relationship with his family! Mainly because I find their behaviour controlling and smothering. Since lockdown his mum has gone into some sort of meltdown like she’s the only one going through it. My partner is 30 and we have no children yet. Since lockdown she has been Skyping every other day, crying on Skype about how she misses him , wishes she could be there to hug him etc. I could understand if we were months into lockdown but he actually saw his parents 2 weeks ago and every day seems to be controlled by her even from afar. If it’s not workouts she wants to do via Skype, it’s a quiz or a chat but he never says no. I often have to leave the room because I can’t deal with the tears etc. Yesterday I found out he popped home to see them because his mum was upset and missing her ‘children’ as she calls them. It sparked a huge row as I miss my family but I also care about the safety of others so am doing my bit and not socialising. His parents have always had this them and us mentality ( dislike the government, police etc) and are drilling it in that this is the governments way of controlling us, and so during the argument when o stated I found it odd he went home the whole country is trying to do their part he argued it’s no different than me going to the supermarket and it’s not like he had dinner he just sat in the garden for a chat and I’m taking it too seriously.It made me feel like I’m overreacting but in my head I’m actually quite disgusted about his lack of thought for others. Of course it doesn’t help I dislike his parents but I’m struggling to accept the fact we have such different views and empathy towards others and I feel like I’m compromising my happiness and beliefs for him. When I outlined how it made me feel he said he didn’t care he would do what he wanted and he wouldn’t kick off if I went home, when I outlined I wouldn’t be going home as I’m quite happy talking to my family on the phone until this is over he said that’s my problem. I confided in my sister who also thought he was a selfish idiot but now I’m worrying if lockdown is extended for months and he’s just ‘popping’ home every week where does that leave our relationship as I really disagree with it. Since he moved out two years ago he’s gone home every week for dinner or he gets the stream of messages from his parents about how he’s forgotten them etc and I have always found it too much but now it feels like I’m going to explode. I’m not sure where this leaves us

Hi op my partners mother was like this . Everything was about her her her . Her way or no way . I grew to hate her a few years in . Every year we had to go on holiday with her . Whilst on holiday even tho the whole of his family went and her other kids she still wouldn't let us do our own thing or we would have messages and then she's sulk . They loved a piss up constantly where I loved walking and exploring. He to would flip out if I suggested doing something else or that I find her to much or I want a holiday just us . They haven't spoken in a year now and it's been the best year of my life . Guess wha they fell about about ? That the 3 times a week and the every day phone calls and texts wernt enough and that he was distancing himself from her 😂 she the went on to blame and also abuse me over text saying it was all my fault . Now the evil cow has turned the whole family against him no one talks to him . I never thought he would say it but he's even said how it's always been about her . And how stupid he was for allowing it . He's also said this was the happiest he has been been because he doesn't feel trapped in to having to go over there all the time and do stuff for them
Ect just not for her to have a hissy fit . She's a patectic women . She falls
Out with everyone one of her kids and hates everyone of their partners . Calls them all controlling and not good enough for the family just because her kids got their own lives and can't ass lick her 24/7 . Poison she is . Maybe your partner feels the same they always say when they lose their temper it's because youv hit a nerve . I never thought my partner would ever put me 1st but he did . When she had a go at me he lost it big time went mental on her . She is way too controlling and it's not you . I was tempted to leave my partner over it everytine I heard her voice I felt anger towards the end . I'd tell him how it is and if nothing changes I'd leave if nothing changes then and he doesn't put you 1st unfortunately he never will he will always be a mammys boy xx

His aunties and cousins find the relationship odd, they have said to me a few times at family gatherings they think it’s odd how she’s all over him trying to sit on his lap etc and how she talks to and about him like he’s a child. Yes the family is a sore spot for him and it’s actually the only thing we argue about. I’m already at the point I can’t stand his mother. I also resent her for making him think that he can do no wrong. I have a really good relationship with my parents and it’s not based on bullshit or them not ever making me accountable for my actions! It’s making me view him different like he’s a child. After he calmed down I said to him I found his family life very intense and he said it’s intense to me because mine is the opposite ( we are all very chilled in my family ) and I agree to an extent but I find having to go home every week for dinner and her constant calls and texts too much. I haven’t seen them since Christmas because I avoid them at all costs. I can’t be around this me me me mentality but it’s worse now as it feels like his mum has won. She’s cried and he’s gone running without thinking about me or my health or the fact I’m not seeing my family

Send him home and let him stay there. He's never going to change is he?

My ex's mum was like this and she ended up moving in with us TWICE. Maybe you'll be lucky like the pp and he will open his eyes and realise how controlling she is. Mine didn't, he moved in with her and is now completely cut off from all his friends and former work colleagues. It's awful to be honest how controlling some people are but such is life.

Sit your dp down and have an honest discussion with him. What will things be like if you decide to start a family? What will happen if you need to move away for work? You are both young but his mum can't keep treating him like a child. He's a grown adult.

With regards to the virus, by your partner going around during lock down he is putting you, his parents and others at risk. This is not some crazy government conspiracy this is real. We had someone we know die the other day from it. He wasn't unfit, had any underlying health issues or old. How bad would your partner feel if he was a carrier and past it onto his mum.

Good luck op x

when you get married/long term partner you take on their family too. You (understandably) don’t want to and, as your partner doesn’t see it as an issue and wants it the way it is, it sounds like a deal breaker. If he never changes, can you live like this for the next 30 years? If you have kids will she expect them to join in ... she won’t care if your family miss out and it sounds like he will accommodate his family, as you are not as close to yours in his view? Good luck op

He has a really good relationship with my family. It’s odd because he’s more natural with my family than his own. I often tell my mum it’s like being around two people. With my family he laughs and jokes has a drink etc with his he sits there and is always nervous and then picks at me for things like stop slouching, talk more you are too quiet etc and I always say afterwards stop putting your anxiety on me. His family life isn’t natural it’s forced and led by guilt. But I can’t get my head around why he won’t just push back! The covid situation is selfish and I do think what happens when we have children because quite frankly I don’t want their toxic behaviour around me let alone a child

I'd be seriously rethinking the relationship. I would hate to have in laws like that and wouldn't want a family with him. Your own family is lovely - I would look for someone similar.

Send him home and let him stay there. He's never going to change is he?

Agree.

Op we are not on about the same mother are we my partner has got a brother 😂😂🤪. My partner has grown up a lot since they have not been talking . But she's such a cow she has turned the whole family against him now . Pure evil she is . She argued with her daughter who is the golden child just because she actually had her own life to live after meeting her partner now husband . She was so distraught that she didn't want Xmas dinner there and wanted to spend it with her husband that she threw a little tantrum didn't speak to her for about a year and was even in antidepressants 🤣! On the last holiday we went with them my partner got drunk and apparently ruined her birthday because all the attention wasn't on her . She stormed off and my partner went running after her holding her hand at that point I was ready to go home he's in his 30s for god sake and it was like looking at a pathetic little boy . Her husband then said he would never in a million years upset his mother ! I felt sick . All she wants to do is party . Every meet up involves alcohol . The way she has treated him now is awful his grandad was rushed to hospital and he went there even tho no one talks to him now his mam was there and totally ignored him his nan then said she didn't want him there . His sister doesn't talk to him no more , brother , other sister , step dad , nan , grandad I could go on and on no texts , phone calls nothing ! I don't know if I'm in the wrong but if he ever started a relationship with his mother again I would 100 percent end the relationship and Iv been with him 10 years . They are all fucked up . X

Dump him, love.

Just read the rest of your post . His mam was one of the reasons I didn't want a family with him before . I'm the thought of her always being there and on the phone totally put me off . She acts like this big snob but she's far from it . They always slagged the daughters boyfriend off he's not good enlightened my job is better blah blah . He's got one hell of a food job pay unbelievable. And her job is crap with crap pay . I just didn't get it . We had to live with them for a while a few years back and my partner would have to go down there to watch tv with her every night ! If he didn't she would be constantly back and forth the bedroom just walking in pissed saying how lonely she is ! Her youngest daughter had a baby and she's took over . She even said to me before I'm glad she's young because I can control her now and have the baby when I want !!!!! She even told me to pretend to be on the pill to trap my partner a few years back because she wanted a grandchild ! She said I would have it all the time you wouldn't need to worry about nothing . She said that's what she had to do with her last husband ! My partners father . Like who says that ? It's all controll she's literally crazy x

As you see I could go
On and on 😂 plus this lockdown is making me crazy so I could rant all day lol . You need to day to him how you feel also say that when you have children you don't want her having this relationship with your child as it's unhealthy. He knows deep down it's not normal . Hel prob flip out but let him pack up and go stay at your parents house garantee you he will change . And if he doesn't I feel sorry for his next girlfriend cause mammy with always come 1st x

My exdp dm have him an ultimatum 8 days after our lo was born. She wanted more contact with him, with no mention of meeting her grandchild!!!
I actually force him to take the lo to see his parents, they stood at the door for a minute and that was it.

I didn't get involved until the end when I had enough and told her so and sent exdp home.
I would of done it at lot bloody sooner if I didn't have ds with him. Nothing sexy about a mummy's boy

Why are you with this loser?!

OP, do not underestimate the stress of in laws that are toxic.

Move on, he doesn't sound worth the effort.

Take this clarity as a gift.

You deserve and can do so much better.

I agree, move on, you have no future together.

Sorry I know it’s hard. But easier now than when you have a couple of kids.

As others have said - toxic inlaws are one of the most potentially destructive forces there are.

I would think seriously about getting out now. Have a child, and bam - that woman is your son or daughter's grandmother for LIFE.

Honestly? I'd be giving him an ultimatum. You aren't prepared to have them in YOUR life, so he needs to decide whose life HE wants to be in.

But remember, once you're pregnant - too late. And it's not like it's your parents, where you're in charge of contact. More than a few folk stay in unhappy marriages where the inlaws are a toxic force because they know full well that's the only way from stopping them coming fully into their kids' lives and even attempting to alienate their own mother/father.

Unless he can totally break away, I wouldn't waste more childbearing years in this relationship.

I would never give someone an ultimatum that meant they couldn't see their parents but I wouldn't get involved with someone who had parents like that.