Hello everyone,
I just typed out a whole thread and lost it so I will try and remember what what I put! I have written quite a bit about my relationship which I have gradually realised is at times abusive emotionally, my husband is very clever, has a great job, very charismatic and no one would ever believe me if I told them. Even my mum doubts me I think as I have the perimenopause and get irritable.
We have a two year old daughter and it feels like he micromanages me, even more at the moment! I have to give a run down of what she had eaten. If I fill up the paddling pool he runs out to check the temperature and whether I have done it properly. He makes a big show of taking over and making it nice and warm even if I haven’t t finished.
Last weekend I made a nice lunch with lots of different bits, while he was asleep, our daughter is very picky so I knew she probably would not eat it, but she tried a few things. He then said oh she doesn’t want that, I will make a sandwich. I said don’t worry I’ll do it, to which he said, no she’s very picky at the moment and you don’t know how to make it. This is a cheese spread sandwich that I make all the time! He then apologised to her because I didn’t pull all the strings off a piece of celery and said he’d do it better and said oh you poor thing I’m sorry.
It’s like he’s in competition with me and constantly covers her in affection. I feel like his housekeeper. He won’t ever say no or back me up if I say no. My little girl actually told me to stop fussing yesterday as she had heard him saying it.
With this lockdown he’s at home all the time and has a comment to make about everything I do. Apparently she never ever misbehaves when he takes her out only when I do. He rarely does anything together and takes naps whenever he can, he will only go
out with our daughter about once a week. It’s so sad as I used to adore him and have been slowly realising he isn’t what I thought he was :(
I’ve been getting nervous with him hovering about watching everything and don’t know the best way to manage it. If I ignore him I can’t have an adult conversation. If I defend myself I’m spoiling for a fight. Other times I’m obtuse or have a victim mentality. I don’t know if I’m coming or going and my emotions are all frozen, I can’t feel anything. I have a plan in place but just wondering the best approach for now.
He’s become very obsessed with us getting ill and is talking about getting our daughter’s passport and relocating to his home country. When I said no he said how can you be SO selfish: he got so mad he slept on the sofa and kept telling me to fuck off when I asked him to come to bed :( I can’t believe the situation I find myself in at times, but I’m glad I’ve recognised it. Thank you so much.