Saying goodbye to my mum. Is it the right thing to do?

[Ginnyrellas]

Today I think I have to cut ties with my mum, as heart breaking as that is. But I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or if I should give her another chance. Or even if it’s me with the problem

Ever since I was a child. Myself, and my two elder brothers my mum was very much a control freak, I won’t pretend I was the perfect teenager but who was. She disowned both of my brothers and one has only just reconciled a year ago In his mid thirties. One of my earliest memories of her is when I gave her some back chat at the age of nine and she pinned my down and bashed my head of the floor continually whilst calling me a bitch. If it wasn’t for my friend coming round to see if I was playing out I’m sure she would of caused lasting damage or worse. When I was 22 years old I have birth to my DD. My mum was incredibly supportive through my pregnancy and herself and my Daughters father were there at birth. When my daughter was 2 years old me and her father separated but we remain good friends. My mum told me the relationship break down was my fault because I got fat my confidence plummeted and I now have problems with eating as a result.
There has been a lot of other things that have happened. Far too many to write. But basically from the age of around 6 to the age of 33 I have constantly been striving to meet my mums standards. I am now in a loving relationship with a wonder husband who dotes on me and DD and still remain best of friends with my daughters father and his new wife.
At the beginning of all the covid-19 about 6 weeks ago I asked my daughters father if he thought it best if DD stopped going there for while as he lives over 30 miles away. ExP agreed and they have continued to skype through lock down even though they both miss each other terribly they have kept spirits up.
Last week ExP told DD with out my knowledge that he was going to ask me if he could collect her next weekend to go stay at his house for a few weeks. He eventually asked me and I told her I would prefer it if she stayed here with us but I couldn’t stop him if he wanted to come and get here but I made it clear if he were to collect DD he was to have her for a minimum of three weeks. 14 days just incase and then a week after. To which he agreed.

Today I told my mum that my DD is going to her dads for 3 weeks and she told me I was a selfish parent. I just want rid of my DD and that I feel that she is too much hard work. Which is not the case. I would move the earth for my DD. I think this is the straw that has broke the camels back
Bare in mind I am also a key worker. I walk 35 miles to work and back every week. I don’t know what I could be bringing home. So really the safest place for DD is with her father and his wife who isn’t working.

I’m so tired of trying to meet my mother’s standards and trying to gain her approval. I’m too old for this shit, but she makes me feel like I’m a teenager or I’m worthless. I don’t know what to do.

You've done nothing wrong, but she has. I think you will feel much better once you've cut the ties, she sounds pretty vile. The incident when you were nine bought tears to my eyes. Just awful. That alone is enough for you to cut her off completely imo. Take care and thank you for all your hard work as a key worker.

My mum is a narcissist and she's made me miserable all my life. I cut ties last year and although it makes me sad, on balance I feel a lot better without her in my life. Your priority needs to be your DD and yourself and you can't focus on that with such a toxic influence in your life x

Yes, enough is enough.

You probably have already but I wonder if you've said to her, why do you say such mean things to me?

Cut ties. Your life will be better for it.
Remind yourself that you don't need the approval of a mean person and the things she's said about you aren't true and she says them because of some mental or personality disorder she has.

Your mother is toxic and the vile stuff that comes out of her mouth is not ok. It must make her feel better about herself to put you down? It’s awful. You don’t deserve it. Your decisions about your daughter are yours and none of her business. Shes nasty and rude and I don’t blame you for cutting her off.

Um, her pinning you down and bashing your head on the floor at age 9 (or any age) kind of is the start and finish of it for me. She's not worth a moment of your time, and you should keep your dc well away from her.

She's physically and mentally abused you in childhood, and she continues to abuse you emotionally in adulthood. Excise her from your life.

I am nc with my dm. Nasty woman during my childhood. Tried to give me parenting advice when I had my dc.
No thanks!!. Went nc and have no regrets.

I just feel so sad because she’s my mum. My dad has never done anything wrong. But that being said he’s never pulled her up on her actions. I don’t mind going NC with my mum. But my dad is a different story. Is there anyway I can maintain a relationship with my dad but not my mum?

I have been NC with my mum for 13 years, the best decision I ever made. No regrets about it, but I will always be sad my relationship with my mum wasn’t what I would hope it would be. No dad in my life, so no advice there. Good luck OP, no one goes NC with their mum without good reason.