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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help advice needed

8 replies

Jenny1951 · 17/04/2020 09:11

This is so pathetic but not sure how to handle.
This morning early husband is trying to order online, constant frustration with him but won’t ask for help. We had agreed that we would have a walk every morning and also I had said that I didn’t want to have to be the ‘cheerleader’ during this lockdown.

I said shall we go for our walk as I’m standing around waiting for him at our usual time. He chucks iPad on bed, ‘if I have to..blah blah’ I said you don’t have to and I certainly don’t want to go out for a walk with a ‘Kevin’.
I go out for a jog and come back totally fine as it’s all stupid BUT he’s now sulking. I said you don’t have to be like this and how long is this going to last? He said ‘tomorrow’ !
He’s able to go out as he’s developing a house round the corner, on his own, so he stomps out. I call his name twice but he doesn’t turn round.

Right - the nub of all this is - I generally take him round a roll at lunchtime but I obviously don’t want to. Completely pathetic I know but I just can’t stand this childish behaviour and I just don’t like him at the moment.

Options: I am the bigger person and just take it round anyway ignoring his behaviour. But why should I bloody ignore it. He never apologises and I think he will then think he’s justified.

Don’t go round and this just goes on...

Go round, take the bloody roll, but say don’t think I’m rewarding bad behaviour but just I want to be the bigger person.

Challenge is that generally after a day or so he then just wants to carry on as if nothing has happened and by then I hate him.

I have 4 hours to RollGate??!

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 17/04/2020 09:41

Lockdown isn’t easy on anyone and I think people are dealing with it differently.
You don’t need to be his cheerleader but in your place - I’d just let him be a bit more, so he can process it in his own way. His frustration is just that - his reaction to the situation. It seems to be how he self regulates.
So for eg - you saw him struggling with online order and in a bad mood. Why escalate that? I’d have just told him I am going for a walk on my own as he seems busy anyway. No need to bicker. Not like you can’t walk together another day.

You both seem stressed and annoyed with the situation a d each other. Trying not to take it on each other will probably make it easier on both in these difficult times.

Presumably he is working on the house to make money for the family and the arrangement is that you provide lunch while he does that - your morning situation has no bearing on that.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/04/2020 10:14

Don't invite him on your walks / runs.
Just do your own thing and don't involve him.
Let him know, tomorrow morning at 8am I'm going out for a run.
Leave it at that.
And honestly?? I know you don't really want to but I'd take something round for him if he is working hard doing up a house.
I'd probably throw it at him though!

Candyfloss99 · 17/04/2020 10:17

He may not have wanted to go on the walk but he doesn't need to huff. It's childish and disrespectful. I would not be bringing him anything when he's treating you like that.

Musti · 17/04/2020 10:23

He was an arse, had a gonat you for no reason and then didnt turn round when you called him. He doesn't care that you're now spending all morning/day with his behaviour affecting you , so no, I wouldn't take him a roll. It's not your responsibility to try and coax a grown man to behave maturely.

ChristmasFluff · 17/04/2020 10:47

Bollocks to 'being the bigger person'. It always seems to mean 'letting someone treat you like shit with no consequences.'

He can get his own roll. Until he damn well apologises.

SeriouslySoDoneIn · 17/04/2020 11:26

Sounds like you’re trying to one up him. You don’t want to take him a roll then don’t, but name calling (and yes, calling him “a Kevin” is as bad as him calling you “a Karen”) is not you being the bigger person. It’s you trying to hurt him because he’s hurt you.

Jenny1951 · 17/04/2020 13:48

Such good advice - took the bloody roll as I thought don’t join in this crap however he’d secretly made up and taken his own roll!!
Feel like I’m in the playground...!!

OP posts:
Jenny1951 · 17/04/2020 13:51

Also challenge is he will never apologise not even a tiny cuddle or murmured sorry and I truly believe that he always feels he is the aggrieved party.

OP posts:
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