Would you be upset if

[anothernamechange456]

Sex wasn't particularly regular, you are in a loving relationship, partner has ED, has always made the point that he's not interested in sex every day, every other day, once a week etc., but enjoys sex, then you find out he takes viagra regularly to wank?

Just for context, I am younger and in the early days he used to say 'the wants and needs of a woman of your age' referring that I'd want it more than him. I adjusted to this and wouldn't throw myself at him as didn't want to put him under pressure.

We've had sex once this year, he's wanked off plenty. I'm not saying he shouldn't, but I feel upset that he perhaps would rather wank than have sex with me.

Am I overthinking this and should I just brush it under the carpet, or raise it with him (pardon the pun!)

He may have Death Grip

Well and truly gaslighted there OP!

OP,

Who cares what his issue is.

Don't waste anymore of your life on him.

He sounds very selfish.

You are NEVER going to get what you need from him.

Just bullshit excuses.

Think about what you want and deserve.

He's no prize, that's for sure.

Value yourself.

Oh yes, I got the old "morning glory" story too...didn't want to disturb me just because he woke up with a hard on...despite being too tired for sex the night before.

It's all bullshit OP, honestly. I'm over a year down the line from discovering this shit and I have heard it all. I saw through the bullshit and what I learnt was some men are just plain lazy. They want to cum but don't want to bother with anyone else's needs. Porn is easy, always available, totally selfish and one sided. I think he is stringing you along and trying to make you think it's all your fault when it patently isn't

I think he's using you as some kind of 'trophy' OP.

Dump the miserable, lying, using, useless, head-fucking, old goat.
You got a whole life ahead of you!

My exh never wanted sex unless we were ttc.
He used to bring our dc into our bed to avoid sex.
I told him he was no dh. He was 15 years older.
I had an affair then left him.
Finished om also.
My exh them had a lover.
My new landlord.
Keith..
I was a cover dw as he was a Catholic and would never ever 'come out'..

How do you know he has ED?
I’m not joking, could it be that he’s actually just gay and that’s why he can’t get hard when with you, he doesn’t find you attractive any more because he now fancies men? But doesn’t want to admit it. Or prefers to use you for a comfy life and to hide his preferences as he’s not come to terms with his sexuality or feels the neighbours/friends/relatives won’t be able to handle this news?

I'd be extremely upset. Sounds like the porn addiction is likely like PP said.

That would be a dealbreaker for me tbh. I could deal with wanking even wanking to porn as long as it was a side issue in an otherwise loving and intimate relationship.

Maybe some people could accommodate this. But for me the idea that self-pleasuring with viagra and porn was taking precedence over lovemaking would completely invalidate the relationship. Literally no point being with someone if they choose that over you.

Men always lie when confronted about this. Most of the time the reason is they just don’t fancy you anymore but are too cowardly to admit it.

Dear MMMomDD,

Allow me to clarify your query; I was not assigning a diagnosis. You can clearly see from my message that I was merely providing my comments. To respond to your query regarding my professional qualifications; I am a Consultant Chartered Clinical/Counselling Psychologist with over 15 years of experience treating adults and children with mental health difficulties. I do diagnose in my clinical practice; however I do not deem it my obligation to diagnose anyone's difficulties on here as no one is my patient. I am a mother and a Psychologist, so I am interested in helping anyone who seeks support and advice.

I however do provide my expert opinion, in the spirit of giving someone some advice and help should they wish to consider my comments.