Talking to your ex

[Dreamer129]

My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago and has now got a new gf. After we bumped into each other in the street we met for coffee and ever since have been messaging roughly every other day for about a month. It's all platonic and just catching up but I'm intrigued as to people's thoughts as to whether this is normal/acceptable? How often do people talk to their exes? Are his motives purely friendly?

The question is: what are your motives? Do you want to get back together? He is with someone else now, it doesn't sound like he wants to be with you. And there's a reason he's your ex.
Are you over him?

His motives are likely selfish. Keeping you dangling in case he 'needs' you. Nothing good will come of it. Think of your own mental health and the benefits /negatives of 'just talking' to him

What are your motives?

I keep in touch with a couple of my exs - but we’re talking going for drinks or dinner every couple of months and a few sporadic messages here and there if we have some news or something comes up of interest to us both. Certainly not almost daily messaging.

If you’re both doing it in an entirely platonic way then there’s nothing wrong with it per se, but I’d be very surprised if it stays platonic. Men don’t generally tend to message other women (who aren’t their long-standing friends) with that sort of frequency unless they’re gunning for a booty call at some point.

Do you ask how his gf is? Does he talk about her?

Would you want to meet her and become friends?

He's not into her and he's not into you either. He's just bored and casting his net wide. Why are you bothering?

It's an ego boost for him to know that you still want to talk to him.

He could be testing the waters, he could be happy in his relationship and see you as platonic, he could be keeping you on the backburner - who knows? Just keep your guard up.

I'm all for being friends with exes, once about 25 years have passed.

Any sooner and there's too much baggage on one side or the other. Best to block them until the 25 year mark. And after 25 years, why unblock them?

I’m friends with several exes. One was a mutual break up and I ended the other two. They’ve each seemed keen to stay friends and I’ve had zero interest in anything more so it has been easy for me to do, although led by them as I knew that two did not want to break up and I didn’t want to be an arse about it. We meet up now and again and speak regularly but definitely not every other day. Maybe weekly or monthly.

His motives are not purely friendly. I think he’s keeping you as a fallback.

I’m friends with two ex’s - from 30 years ago, they have become family friends.

@ChristmasFluff has hit the nail on the head.

Don't worry about his motives OP, his motives are not of your concern now that you're not together.
What are your motives?

To me it seems that you're thinking about more than friendship.
If it were purely a platonic message every now and again there'd be nothing to question.

How long were you together? It might just be that little bit of something he's holding onto. It's hard to entirely let go of something you have had in your life for a long time. Could be entirely harmless.