What would you think if somebody in a relationship said these words

[changemynamechangemynamewhen]

'I can't help it sometimes when I get frustrated my brain gets angry and it makes me nasty'

Disassociating oneself from one's own actions and attempting to justify it, is a huge red flag.

You really, really, really need to end this.

Do you not feel it's enough to leave?

It is, I promise

Also I bet he's able to control his temper around people bigger and stronger than him. Funny that.

‘’Well my brain is telling me to get out of dodge so off you fuck’’

I knew aspergers was involved just by the sentence construction. I'm a mother of an asd child who has anger issues. However, I do not accept or allow them to use this as an excuse. They need more help in diverting feelings towards a healthy outlet and sometimes don't recognise what they are feeling before they're in it but the jist of it is they still know right from wrong. It may be harder to use self control but that does not make it ok.

Shortly to be followed by:

"Why did you do that? You know it frustrates me, and that makes me angry. It's your fault I'm being nasty to you."

Not so personal, yeah right. I frequently get frustrated with things at work - it's quite natural to get personally invested somewhere you spend so much time.

It's an excuse. He's trying to find a reason that he's only nasty to girlfriends.

Does he regularly talk about his failure to manage his emotions to a psychologist? That’s what I’d be asking as he needs to - he does have a diagnosis and it does not sound as though he is mature enough for a relationship, he needs to get help to manage his nastiness and understand it’s never acceptable.

If he is self aware enough to know that he is being nasty, he is self aware enough to behave.

People use their diagnosis to excuse abuse too. Don't accept it.

Whether he seeks help for this or not, you should end the relationship. He needs to be single at the moment. And you need to be out of the firing line!

Oh yes, he does need to be single until he can deal.

If I heard someone in a relationship say that I would think ‘why is a 5 year old in a relationship’.

Just about sums him up

That sentence right there is warning of what’s to come, get away

@changemynamechangemynamewhen
How are things?

He is explicitly telling you he is going to hurt you and bear no responsibility for it. What you choose to do with that info is up to you but I wouldnt be sticking around to find out. I really hope you are no longer with this arsehole op x

He’s telling you he’s going to be nasty to you. He’s just giving himself an excuse in advance.

'I can't help it sometimes when I get frustrated my brain gets angry and it makes me nasty'

How old is he , 6 ?
Do yourself a favor and turn into the gingerbread man . Run , run as fast as you can .

I would say to myself right, I am out of this relationship right now because this person has just told me very clearly that he will hit me and he'll blame me for it too

Sounds like something my dd says. She's 8 and has adhd.

I presume this person is an adult? If so, I'd walk away from the relationship. Another thing to ask yourself is, would he have his nasty outburst at work it with mates?

I’m not in line with other posters here but I think saying that might be the honesty associated with Aspergers...

Don’t we all sometimes say nasty things in the heat of an argument and then regret it later and need to apologise?

I’ve seen posts before where some people think it is okay to tell their partner to fuck off, during an argument. That would be a deal breaker for me, but I have sometimes said horrible things when I’ve been angry; my partner to me too. Then we make up afterwards.

I’m not abusive and we don’t argue a lot. Disclaimer : I have ADHD and sometimes people don’t understand the “blunt honesty” part when I am trying to explain things.

Obviously this comment needs to be taken in context of the whole relationship though.

Shirking responsibility for their behaviour. Not relationship or friendship material. Goodbye.

Also I bet he's able to control his temper around people bigger and stronger than him. Funny that.

Very interesting.

OP, when he gets angry and nasty to you / around you he will say to you, 'I did warn you.' Basically he now believes he can abuse you just because he warned you and you accepted it.

I'd think he was making excuses for any future abusive behaviour and I'd run for the hills.

Side note - my DH has Aspergers (diagnosed in his teens he's now late 30s). He does struggle with some aspects of life and relationships, but he's never been abusive or even disrespectful. He works really bloody hard to be a good husband/friend/colleague.