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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Terminology - don’t want to offend boyfriend!

19 replies

Blinkingecksake · 15/04/2020 17:09

I appreciate this isn’t overtly relationship based but it kind of is and I’d genuinely like your opinions if that’s ok. Just after a quick bit of advice... I’ve just started blogging again - in this climate I find it a really therapeutic way to channel my over thinking. Am just setting up a website but on insta I use the hashtags singleparent, singleparenting singlemum as well as my blog name. I do this because I want to be able to connect with people in similar situations and share experiences as I find raising my children and their SEND by myself bloody hard and welcome sharing any advice. Minimum help from their dad.

I’ve been in a relationship for a couple of years but we don’t live together, both work long hours and although he’s great with my children, he doesn’t see them much and doesn’t have an active role in their upbringing other than offering me advice, which I don’t mind.

It just sounds a bit harsh using the hashtag single so much. I’m not ‘single’ but I am definitely a ‘single parent’. I don’t want to offend him as happy for him to read it and I think I’ll ask his opinion on it, but just wondered what people think. I don’t want people to think I want it as a way to meet someone of the opposite sex as some of the blogs/posts between single parents can be quite flirty and that’s not at all what I’m after. Thanks for any thoughts!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blinkingecksake · 15/04/2020 17:10

Sorry should have read *dealing with their SEND

OP posts:
opticaldelusion · 15/04/2020 19:35

I think you're making this into way more of an issue than it needs to be.

Original poster
Blinkingecksake · 15/04/2020 20:19

Thanks @opticaldelision. Just thinking if I read something that he’d written with loads of #single after it I wouldn’t like it. But that is no doubt more a reflection of my own insecurities! Appreciate the reality check, thank you

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 15/04/2020 20:31

If I got into another relationship I would still see myself as a single mum as I’m not looking for a dad for my kids so I think it’s fine.

YakkityYakYakYak · 15/04/2020 21:23

I think it’s fine, makes sense to me why you would use those hashtags. Maybe just explain to him what you’ve said here.

Interestedwoman · 15/04/2020 21:44

I think anyone who had a problem with it would be being unreasonable. You still are a single mum in that you are parenting alone. It doesn't necessarily mean anything when it comes to a person's relationship status.

If you're concerned you could make it clear somewhere on the blog/insta that you're in a relationship.

Sugartitss · 15/04/2020 21:49

i once referred to myself as a single parent and my boyfriend was heartbroken. just say to him what you’ve said here and i’m sure he’ll understand.

Original poster
Blinkingecksake · 16/04/2020 08:25

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your replies.
This is such a prime example of my over thinking!! Writing is cathartic and blogging gives it a helpful channel. Silly thing is I know he’ll be fine when I mention it, but I’ll feel better for doing so. Thanks again

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 16/04/2020 08:34

A single mum I know refers to herself as an independent parent instead and I like that. It's empowering.

Musti · 16/04/2020 08:43

I think just tell him that calling yourself single and single parent for your blog is to attract the right audience and reflects your parenting and not your relationship status.

But definitely tell him.

thepeopleversuswork · 16/04/2020 08:45

I think it’s fine OP: am in very much the same position as you: have a boyfriend of 18 months, we are happy and committed and he has a good relationship with my DD but he is in no way a parent and probably never will be. We don’t live together: he helps me out in minor ways eg with childcare but I still see myself as very much solely responsible for her care and parenting.

Original poster
Blinkingecksake · 16/04/2020 13:21

Thanks all, much appreciated. @Onemansoapopera I really like that phrase independent parent, it does feel empowering, I’ll pinch that!

OP posts:
BabyDues00n88 · 16/04/2020 13:58

Legally if you are not married or in a civil partnership, then you are both single

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 16/04/2020 14:12

I refer to myself as a single parent to my son. I have another on the way with my partner, who is excellent and very active in my son's life. But I am the only person who is his parent that parents him. So I am very much a single parent.
There's nothing wrong with the terminology.
You could have a talk to your boyfriend if you're concerned. Just explain to him why you use that phrase and that it doesn't devalue your relationship.

forumdonkey · 16/04/2020 14:26

I always hated the term single mum. I much prefer lone parent

PumpkinP · 16/04/2020 15:55

Lone parent is when there is no other parent involved.

forumdonkey · 16/04/2020 17:33

PumpkinP says who? If you really want to get pedantic Google it and it's no different to being a single parent.

PumpkinP · 16/04/2020 18:02

It wasn't meant to be "pedantic" someone who doesn't have any ex involved is very different to someone who has their kids 50/50 or actively involved ex, single parent and lone parents are different things

forumdonkey · 16/04/2020 22:09

Google it

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