Sorry this is long, I'm trying to give you background for this.
In the early hours, I woke up and heard the shower go and it was DH having a shower and brushing his teeth. If you knew my DH you'd know that it was abnormal, he's the type of person to say it's too late and not shower at all. We have a big issue in the fact that his hygiene can be awful in all areas, I've mentioned it in so many ways but frankly, it falls on deaf ears and if he does do it, it would have usually been because we were going to see friends/family but I just don't want to sleep with a man who can't shower and brush his teeth for himself. If I wanted to have sex he will have to shower and brush his teeth for the occasion, it's just not sexy in any way. Even though he's trying to shower every 2/3 days, he sometimes goes a whole week and won't change his boxers for at least a couple of days, I just find it grim.
The showering in the early hours could have been a positive turn around, except for the time of night that bothers me. This is because we've also had a chat about where he's popping out to late at night in the past, he'd say it's things I've asked for (do you mind getting XYZ after work/taking the bins out). Apparently, he is sometimes too busy to do it until 1am. Again, that in itself I could understand, his job doesn't always allow for us to have quality time together, I might head to bed at 11/12 sometimes. However, it got to the point most things he'd do at night and I would wake up and he wouldn't be home at all, not a note or anything. I asked for a note left or a quick message so if I woke up, I'd know he was alright but started to feel I was asking too much of him. He's not done it since I've asked him not to but this is whilst we are all at home though.
Anyway, his attitude towards me has changed, I do feel like I nag him about things all the time but to me it's basic things like not letting the young DC do certain things that may potentially be unsafe, picking up after himself, basic chores, etc. I feel drained from even mentioning anything. His snappiness is something else lately though, and it's taking a toll on the family. In turn, I'm getting resentful and say cutting things back, I'm not sure I recognise who I am anymore and I feel as though he doesn't encourage the best in me as a person anymore.
The biggest part is when I heard the shower, I went to see what he was up to but his phone was on the side and I started to wonder if there was more to it all. I really shouldn't have (and I truly know this!) but I thought he was hiding something or even had an online thing going on. There was nothing at all apart from a paid porn account which shocked me (I mean, you can get it for free and he's paying more than you'd pay for Netflix, I'm yet to discover if he's paying for that through our joint account or his own!) and some notes which I'm sure are passwords to sites but cannot work out which ones they could be for. I do wonder if there's more to all of this though. He's got spam emails saying that they know his passwords (except, I think they are correct) which puts photos of DC in the hands of whoever they are and potentially leaves his card information associated with his account, including that of our joint account unprotected. I really want to bring these up but can't unless I admit to snooping.
I find that he lies quite a lot about small, unnecessary things, he will even say the toddler isn't telling the truth and it's him. I'm starting to lose the ability to tell when he's lying.
I still love him as a person, he's a good dad but I'm not sure if I can do anything else, I've communicated issues with him and I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it.