Should I / how should I reach out?

[turtleh]

Just looking for some advice or suggestions.

I met a guy in December 2018 and form January 2019 - May 2018 we very casually dated. I don't know how to describe him other than I've never met anyone I've wanted to be with more or thought would be more a perfect match for myself. We had so much in common, things that I thought were just odd things only I did/ liked he also did to.

However it didn't work out but didn't end on bad terms at all. He just wasn't ready for a full on relationship with the demands of his job, which was totally understandable. I was still devastated that it ended but felt like a bit odd because we were never properly together, which is what made me realise how much I felt for him. He's moved city twice since then due to this job.

I haven't seen him in person since June 2019 but we texted a little in August however that was the last time we spoke at all.

I tried everything to move on but he's still in my heart. I've dated someone else since but tried really hard but it just wasn't the same feelings and didn't work out.

I'd really like to reach out again though and have him in my life again! Even if it's just as friends this time, I miss him. I recently saw one of those things were elderly people give relationship advice and a 96 year old woman said something alike the lines of, don't be afraid to initiate and if you do get rejected it's never as bad as it seems in the end.

And honestly I really feel this way. I might as well try and reach out, I'm prepared for rejection ( it could help me finally move on) he could have fully moved or I could get a new friend but I'm thinking I only get one life and I'd rather know there was nothing at all then grow old with regrets wondering what could've happened if I just sent a text.

I just don't know how or what to say though! I feel like it would be so weird to just pop up out of the blue with a text fully after one year, or what to even say in the text. It's the only really contact details I have for him, (other then snapchat but that seems a little immature to use that)
Has anyone got any suggestions? Or been through this themselves?

Also please don't comment telling me to just move on or get over it. I'd rather get rejected then never know.

Also please don't comment telling me to just move on or get over it. I'd rather get rejected then never know

Your title says different - Should I reach out ? You have obviously made your mind up so just go for it however let's face it if he was into you he would already have been in touch ?

Also please don't comment telling me to just move on or get over it. I'd rather get rejected then never know.

You asked if you should reach out but you've decided you're going to, so go for it I guess.

@TheStuffedPenguin

Sorry if that's confusing to you. Just meant it more as people can be very pessimistic on here and find it very easy to say "leave him" "forget him" without giving people's feelings and everything else on the post much thought

And true I have thought of that I it's one of things making me apprehensive,

Okay my poor wording in the title seems to be causing confusion.

I just didn't want loads of people solely telling me to just get over it and move on, rather than actually giving me advice and alternative suggestions.

I am planning on reaching out yes, but if someone had a suggestion that is better in all ears. And I have also asked for advice on how I should reach out.

I would edit the title / post but I don't think it's possible

I agree with others - you are going to contact him anyway 😀. The problem is, I don't think he will just reject you to enable you to get closure. If he genuinely felt the same as you, wouldn't it have become a relationship rather than just casual? I'm sorry but I think what will happen is he will reply, you will feel excited to be back in contact and then you'll tell yourself that friendship is enough for you. Then you will be clinging on for any messages and subsequent spark and delay the 'moving on' even more. Sorry if that's cynical and maybe I'm wrong. Good luck either way 👍

I wouldn't go pouring out my heart to someone straight away. What i might do is text them asking them how they are and how they are coping with the current situation.

That gets the lines of communication open and you can see where it goes from there

I'm sorry but I think what will happen is he will reply, you will feel excited to be back in contact and then you'll tell yourself that friendship is enough for you. Then you will be clinging on for any messages and subsequent spark and delay the 'moving on' even more.

I 100% agree with this I'm afraid.

And the problem is that with lockdown in place this could go on for ages as he'll be less busy than usual so have more time to message and use it to pass the time, but it isn't real life.

I would pause until after lockdown if you do want to get in touch. Then you could meet up and see how you feel - I suspect seeing him in person would make you see you still feel romantically about him and that friendship will be too hard.

Then you'd have given it a go but get closure.

It'd be too easy for this to rumble on for ages under lockdown.

Thank you everyone, these are all really helpful.

I hadn't thought about the lockdown situation impacting anything, but your totally right it's not very realistic at the moment and we wouldn't be able to meet if it came to that.

I am wary of not letting myself get hung up on things, especially if I do message, like waiting for message and by the phone.

And I wasn't planning on bringing up anything relationship wise at all, just a simple friendly greeting and perhaps acknowledging we haven't spoken in a while and seeing how he is, then it's up to him whether he wants to reply or not at all. But didn't know if after 1 year it would just look weird.

It's not as easy as all these movies make it seem!

Fuck it!

Go in.

Tell him you've been thinking about him. Tell him about the old lady who doesn't want you to be a pussy and you felt the need to reach out to him.
Tell him you've never met someone you got on with the way you did with him and bring up some of your strange shared quirks.
Tell him you're not trying to pin him down for a relationship (mention Corona won't allow it anyhow) and that you just missed him and wanted to open a conversation and see how things go.

If you're going to put yourself out there to reconnect with him then do it. Don't fanny around the bush. Put your cards on the table and take what he gives you back.

Good luck!

He just wasn't ready for a full on relationship with the demands of his job

This usually means he's just not that into you, but as you're prepared to take a chance... just text him. "Hey, long time no text, how are things with you?" and build a conversation from there. It's lockdown, if there was ever a time that people were likely to be idly texting old friends, it's now.

You want a loving and committed relationship. Not a friendship or casual acquaintance. Don’t get in touch unless you know that even if he responds it won’t be with what you want. Don’t kid yourself that you will be happy with a friendship role. One where he perhaps tells you about his latest love life.

People pursue people they want to be with. That’s what you are doing. He isn’t and he didn’t in the past. He is not that into you or the / any relationship.