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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship advice

13 replies

Keljoe · 14/04/2020 21:11

Evening all, this is my first post and would like some advice please. I am living in an awful situation and I’m so worried about the affect it is having on my children. They are 11 and 8.
My husband is behaving extremely badly in front of them. I am no longer interested in sex with him and the rejection is making him crazy mad. I can’t go into the bathroom without him following me in to get a glance of me, be it on the toilet or in the bath, he is always there, I’ve asked him numerous times to respect my privacy but he just ignores me and says i took a vow and I’m his wife and he is entitled to look at me if that’s all he can get. It’s literally making me feel violated and so uncomfortable, the kids are in their bedrooms and hear me asking him to stay out and he just says oops I didn’t know you were there. Now it’s getting worse and he can’t walk by me without touching me in private areas, I’m literally crying writing this as I’m feeling so stressed and trapped. Even the weekend when enjoying the sun our daughter said dad said dad stop looking at mum like that as he was literally stood over me looking at me inappropriately. The stress is causing me to get angry and shout and I don’t want to do that as it’s not making the kids feel secure in their own home. He has flipped out tonight over not being able to find something and stormed into the room whilst me and the kids were watching a lovely film and started tearing the room apart looking for it, he then turned the tv off and was going mental at me, my 11 year old squared up to him and then got really upset. I threatened to call the police to make him stop but it didn’t change a thing. I’ve had enough and don’t know what to do, lockdown is making this so much harder, this has been going on for years though. What can I do?

OP posts:
Keljoe · 14/04/2020 21:14

I’ve been telling him for the past year that I want the relationship to end but he said he will never leave his kids or the house he has worked hard for all his life.

OP posts:
category12 · 14/04/2020 21:17

Actually call the police.

None of this is OK behaviour.

Keljoe · 14/04/2020 21:21

I’m scared. My daughter was hysterical when I said I was calling the police as she doesn’t want daddy to go to prison so I didn’t want to cause her anymore upset.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/04/2020 21:29

Your DD needs to know that men are not entitled to sexually assault women, and that if they do so, there will be consequences.

It's a hard lesson to have to learn at her age, but better she learns this one than the repeated message that women don't have bodily autonomy.

Call women's aid for advice too. They are there to help. He is abusing you and you deserve far, far better.

category12 · 14/04/2020 21:30

You can't go on living like this - for your own sake and for the children's sake. This is domestic abuse.

Speak to Women's Aid.

I'm concerned he will escalate his behaviour.

Keljoe · 14/04/2020 21:33

Will call women's aid tomorrow but it will be difficult as we are all constantly together in the same house. If he walks the dog I will try then. Thank you all

OP posts:
category12 · 14/04/2020 21:34

They have an online chat service, I think, and email.

category12 · 14/04/2020 21:36

chat.womensaid.org.uk/ Mon to Fri 10am - 12pm

Keljoe · 14/04/2020 21:38

Thanks category12 that's really helpful x

OP posts:
CherryBakebadly · 14/04/2020 21:39

You’re not causing anything - he is.

Please call them Flowers

Quartz2208 · 14/04/2020 22:13

you need to call the police it will do your DD more harm to live and see this

MikeUniformMike · 14/04/2020 22:23

This might help
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3859717-For-those-on-lockdown-with-an-abuser

I've not read it.

Flatbellyfella · 14/04/2020 22:38

It's sexual assault if he is groping you against your wishes.,Your personal space is so important, especially at this stressful time , the children will be scarred for life seeing him acting this way. Hopefully the Police could caution him. Flowers

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