Asked him to leave but I love him

[redstripewidow]

DP is is 80% amazing and 20% horrible.
he has recently been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and drinks far too much.

Things came to a a head a few weeks ago and I told him he was on his last warning and if he did not stop drinking we were done.

He has been very good, but yesterday had a lapse and this morning, after I had takes DD to her dads (always stressful) he started an argument, was incredibly cruel, and I told him to leave.

I've had 2 large glasses of wine (bad idea) and I just want him to come home, I love him so much but I know if he can't change his behaviour he will just keep hurting me.

I just want to cry, and I want a cuddle and for him to tell me it will be ok. I'm resisting contacting him....

So there are two or three issues, the drinking, starting arguments, and something to do with your DD/ex.

It's up to you OP but perhaps consider not letting him back until he's found some strategies and/or medication to help with his ADHD, drinking and tendency to argue, such as therapy and meds? I know how long it takes to get treatment for ADHD on the NHS as I'm on the waiting list for meds myself. But there's a lot people can improve on by finding strategies to help, and he could get therapy for the other issues, and AA/other recovery groups.

Op - your description of your partner sounds like you are talking to a child .
You said he has been ‘good’ and you also gave him a warning ?!
Regarding the drinking - issuing an ultimatum to someone with a drink problem will most likely cause them to choose the drink - not you .

No partner should be any % horrible! Especially as you're inviting him into your dd's life as well as your own, and she has no choice in it. Her need for stability trump's your need for a cuddle from someone who's a tosser 20% of the time. Do yourself and your dd and massive favour and get over him.

You've got to put your dd first in this - she doesn't need this in her homelife.

20% horrible?

Think about that.

It means a man in your life and your child's life will spend 2 out of every 10 days of the rest of you life being horrible.

Is that really good enough for you?

And more importantly is that really good enough for your child?

You're teaching them a relationship model that is awful. You've been brave to stop that. Stick with it.

Just because there are 10/10 horrible wankers out there doesn't mean you should settle for 2/10 horrible wankers.

Put your DD first for good.