Is this DV?

[StrongMama1989]

I just feel so so lost. I just need some advice. Since being with my fella I’ve lost all my friends and become distant with my family, I’ve had 3 black eyes and constantly go out my way to please him, I do everything, I stay with him because my children (our children) absolutely adore him, I know what the answer is i guess but I’ve got no friends to turn to and I need some help and support, after he gave me my second black eye every time we have sex I feel like I am being raped as I hate giving my body up like that when I’ve already been abused in other ways i just feel my life is a mess and i just don’t know what to do for the best I am sat here crying my eyes out shacking and not knowing what to do, I only care about my kids, I don’t care about myself, I don’t know what to do

Can you call women's aid? Are you trapped at home with him? He's abusive and you need to leave as soon as you safely can

You need to leave him as soon as you safely can. If you don't feel strong enough to do it for yourself, do it for your children. They don't deserve to grow up in an environment where their dad physically/sexually/emotionally abuses their mum and even if they don't see if they will pick up on it! Can you call the Police? They're responding quickly to domestic incidents at the moment and if you tell them what you've described above they will take it incredibly seriously.

Call the police.

Get you and your dc safe.

Please don't wait for him to kill you.

Yes this is DV. You need to protect yourself and your children and get out. You are doing your kids no favours having them grow up in an environment where their dad abuses their mum (this isn't a judgement on your parenting, it's just a fact - and you are more likely to have them taken from you if you don't get them out of a violent environment. Call Women's Aid. You can do this. It is NOT your fault but you are the only one who can change the situation.

Yes, call police they will believe you.

Please take proper heed of what the others have written here and get the police involved to remove this violent man. His violence towards you is not your fault but you are the only one who can remove yourself and your kids from this situation. Womens Aid will also help you here.

This is domestic violence and your children are also being affected by seeing you as their mother being hit and otherwise physically and mentally abused. It does them no favours at all to be growing up seeing all this from him towards you.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. They also do not adore him so much as fear him because they may well think they will be next in his line of fire. Please take all necessary steps to get this person removed from your home and day to day life. Remember too that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

Oh sweetheart - this the definition of DV

Get in touch with women’s aid & take steps to get away from this violent psychopath as soon as is humanly possible

This is absolutely DV.

Get out, right now, before he kills you. It only ever gets worse.

You and your children deserve so much better x

Of course this is DV. xxx And you don't have to put up with it- please leave as soon as you safely can. xxx

Black eyes? Oh my goodness, of course it's domestic violence. You shouldn't be around this guy for a moment longer if he's hitting you and the police need to be involved.

Yes DV. Leave today. Take mobile and dc and call police.
Your dc should not live in a house where their mother has black eyes

As a child growing up in a DV home please leave.

My mum stayed because she thought we didn't know and that it was good for us to stay as a family. I still resent her to this day and it has made all my relationships fail because of my distrust of men.

I know it was my dad who was the problem but I wished my mum would leave and protect herself and us a lot sooner.

Please take a second to think about your children, stop being so selfish and leave.

Yes. User the DV guide www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3859717-For-those-on-lockdown-with-an-abuser

You need to leave ASAP, with your children. They probably don’t adore him but just act like they do to avoid him turning on them. But even if they do adore him (perhaps they are currently too young to properly understand how wrong his behaviour is), you owe it to them to get yourself and them away because ultimately growing up in a DV household has negative effects on children. And you deserve so much better yourself.

Just to be clear - you are permitted to leave your house to escape domestic violence despite the lockdown. It is regarded as a reasonable excuse. And you can go any time. He doesn’t have to be hitting you right now.

You may be distant from your family and friends but I’m sure they would help you if you reached out.

Keep posting here for support also.

op yes it is. Call [[https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ the national domestic abuse helpline
The freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247]] if you won't phone the police.

Your children will be hugely damaged by this. They don't adore him. I subscribe to the Lundy Bancroft view that an abusive man cannot be a good parent.

And even if they love him, what use will it be if (or when) he kills you, or hospitalises you?

Please get out.

Women's Aid

Yes, it is.

Women's aid have an online chat/contact (towards bottom of the page on this link)

chat.womensaid.org.uk/

You can also phone them, not sure which is fastest.

There's also national domestic violence hotline.

Kids can and do love abusers, kids love unconditionally ABC just want love and acceptance, unfortunately that means they'll also live people who.are abusing their mum or even themselves.

They cannot judge a situation, they do not make decisions - you as the adult judge it and make decisions for them. You cannot take abuse because they seem to be happy with their Dad. They don't know the full.story and even if they're they're not able to make informed, holistic, sensible, safe decisions .. that's why we're here, to do it for them and teach them til they're old enough.

A man who abuses his kids' mother - indirectly abuses them.

She cannot be the best mum and person she is capable of being when she is tense, scared, distressed, depressed, walking on eggshells, upset, hiding things etc. He is directly affecting her happiness and feeling of security and relaxation ..
And that affects her as a mum/parent, no matter how hard she tries.

There is no.duch thing as s man who.id an abusive husband/partner but a great dad ... If he abuses their mum, he is affecting her fundamentally and damaging her ability to be a relaxed, happy, positive, secure, confident parent to get children.

*There is no such thing as a man who is an abusive husband/partner but a great dad

*to her children

Also, a very good book;

www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Please reach out to your family and friends.

They'll be relieved and happy to hear from you, I'm sure. Take whatever moral and physical support you can. Everyone needs support, let alone in a situation like this.

(If you want to get straight into the main parts of the book - page 86 is where the myths/excuses for abuse, violence etc. are outlined).
The abused profiles part is also good.

PS - don’t tell your H that you are leaving. He will be at his most dangerous if he realises he is losing control. Work out an escape plan (including assembling money, bank cards, driving licence and passports).

Do your children adore him? Or are they so scared of him that they pretend to?