Lockdown Loneliness

[finglestick]

I'm just wondering if anyone is in the same position as me and if you have any tips really. I share custody of my children with their dad. I haven't seen them since Friday and getting them to text or call or communicate in any way when they're away is like pulling teeth! They're 12 and 10.
I don't have contact with my parents (whole other thread right there!) and no family that I'm close to so don't have that support. All my friends are married with kids and work and have lives and, while we are close when we see each other, we aren't when we don't. We don't have zoom parties or anything like that. I'll put a message in the group chat and its either ignored or there are short responses. I'm trying to keep in touch with friends via text or whatever but nobody contacts me and when they respond, the chats are generally brief.
I have real issues with rejection and I feel that this situation is making things worse for me. I go out most days for a walk but, when I don't have the kids, I'm on my own with no-one to talk to and I'm really struggling right now. I don't want this to be a pity party and I'm not looking for sympathy, I just can't see how I'm going to get through this right now. Any tips will be most gratefully received!

I am the same . Single parent . No family or support.
My kids are always here though as they don’t see their dad - but I still crave adult company
It is painfully lonely . I’m now working from home too so no interaction .

I spend more time online chatting than is probably healthy but it’s the only way to get any stimulation.
I have volunteered to help the local Covid response too - just so I have something more to occupy my time. Could u do something like that ?

I'm not a single parent but I'm finding the lockdown very lonely. You are not the only one

When are the kids back?

It is a difficult time. You could speak to the Samaritans if you're feeling very low?

Maybe there's something you could join, like a community group doing shopping for people, to get to know some different people locally?

How about online live yoga classes? Gym classes? Somebody in my area is doing online Zumba. Have a search and see what’s around. I thought maybe a virtual book group would be fun but I have no idea how to set something like that up. If you did a couple of yoga/Pilates classes each day that would give you structure. Make sure they are the type where you interact with the instructor

Yes, it’s a lonely time isn’t it. My two children are in their 20s and in London, I miss them dreadfully as usually I’d see them every couple of weeks. It’s hard being on your own and I don’t have any family so I can really empathise. However I do have a lot of friends but get sad when I see their happy family get togethers on FB and the like.

As others have suggested, Is there a local Isolation Group where you live that you could volunteer with perhaps? I’ve done that where I am and lo and behold I have something to keep me occupied, met a load of new friends (albeit most via the Messenger Group and FB) and also am assisting those who are vulnerable by shopping etc. It certainly gives me a purpose and has helped with the structure of my day.

I feel exactly the same. As soon as my dc go I feel a darkness descend, lose all motivation and feel incredibly lonely. I feel like I can't bother my friends who all have family with them. They do keep in touch but I need more contact than they can offer. Hence why I rejoined mumsnet! But even that I'm finding lonely as no one responds! Yes I'm feeling very needy!

I feel for you. I live with my parents currently but it's not the same as having a partner and I still feel pretty alone when my DD goes to her dads, especially when I see all these happy families on social media. Meet Up and now doing some social events online. The app was designed for people to meet new friends so maybe you could try an event. You might end up meeting some new people who you can socialise when lockdown is over

Also very lonely and feel trapped (I know we all do). Single parent with three teens who are with me but like @Fidgety31 it’s the adult company I crave.

Really don’t want to be single any more and am missing someone I went on 7 platonic dates with between December and February (that did not lead anywhere but he is lovely) which makes it worse .

Sosadandempty are you still in contact with him?

I just miss that everyday contact

I’ve taken your advice and emailed the local support group to see if I can volunteer in any way when the kids aren’t with me. So thank you
I split up from my partner about 4 months ago and, whilst I really don’t want to be with him, I get so at all the smug couples going for their walks or bike rides or whatever! I need structure but I’ve lost motivation and I’m starting to worry that I won’t want to leave the house when this is all over. But it’s good to know I’m not alone with these feelings. Thank you all x

@Rummikub yes I am in touch with him now and again, but while he always responds and we have nice mini message exchanges, each series of messages is started by me, so I don’t think he would contact me in the first instance. Can’t decide whether to carry on messaging him now and again (he told me he contacts his friends rarely so I don’t think that it is that he doesn’t want to hear from me at all - also he is quite introverted and doesn’t really do small talk), or just to leave it because overall it is probably making me a bit sad. Really highlights what I really yearn for which is love, closeness, affection, communication..... don’t we all I suppose.

I also miss everyday contact - interacting with the person at the till when I go shopping is lovely. The lockdown has made me realise just how much being out in the world and around people, even if not necessarily interacting with them, matters.

@finglestick I am also jealous of the couples who are in lockdown together.

I can’t remember if someone suggested online exercise classes upthread, but if you are interested I could PM you some links .

My sister has also been raving about Deepak Chopra’s 21 day meditation (the free version). I know that isn’t contact with other people, but she says it is soothing.

chopracentermeditation.com/article/6-oprah_deepaks_21_day_meditation_experience

I guess whether you contact him or not depends on which is the least worst. If you're needing the contact I'd still do it. But if it makes you feel worse then stop. It's tricky isnt it.
I'll try that 21 day meditation. Thank you for the link.

Same OP. Kids are with their dad 3 nights a week. I'm tired of the brave face I put on. I'm so sad that their dad remains so 'disney' whilst the actual parenting falls to me.
I can't stand the fecker and how I behave when I'm around him. I go meek and obliging because it's not worth rocking the boat.

I wasn't actively dating before lockdown. In fact I hid away a LOT. Feeling shame, anger, embarrassment at my situation, at my mistakes, ruminating.

Well, no more. I'm ignoring the messages a guy I briefly dated sent me (he told me to delete his number after we finished!!)

I've nothing to apologise for, I am already getting outside the front door, talking with neighbours, chatting to ppl in shops etc. I like it. Maybe I'm not quite as introverted as I believed myself to be.

I'm loosely planning to date again when this passes. I'm definitely going to give less of myself though, because being used hurts. Letting it continue hurts more.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks @Rummikub - that’s a helpful way of looking at it.

@Sosadandempty you're welcome
My dc have just gone. It was so lovely having them here.