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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I broke up with my fiancé and we have a 3 month old baby

4 replies

Gem946 · 14/04/2020 12:37

I would basically like people’s opinions as I’m starting to have second thoughts and don’t know if I should get back with him for the sake of our daughter. I broke up with him as I caught him messaging other women, asking one about her nipple piercing ( also happens to be his sister-in laws sister) and messaged my best friend wanting to go on a walk because he wanted “human interaction” and felt lonely but didn’t want to go alone and kept asking where her bf was and what he was doing.(all of this was between 12-2am) . I can understand his loneliness to an extent as being on lockdown as he is a key worker, he made the decision to sleep in a tent in the garden , so he didn’t get our daughter I’ll. but this was HIS choice not mine. He has also cheated on me in the past (about 4 years ago) and I took him back. He had a 6 month affair, sleeping with this girl in our house whilst I worked night shifts, I only found out as she told me! I’ve fallen out with him many times about him liking other girls pictures online and how it makes me feel, but he doesn’t really seem to get the issue. When I found out he was doing this sort of thing again , Meters away from us , knowing we have a baby and he has proposed a few weeks ago! I just lost it! He makes me feel like a mug! I watched him type one of the messages out ( he gave me his social media password after his affair to help with trust) then seconds later , text me saying he loved me! I honestly thought he’d finally got his act together 😔 (also I only checked his messages as he had text me at a weird time when he would normally be at work, and I’m sure I heard the gate open at some stupid hour in the morning, so was wondering what the hell he’d been doing.) He hasn’t done this sort of thing for a while( that I know of) and agreed to go to Cognitive behavioural therapy before our daughter was born due to him being so snappy all of the time. Turns out he has anxiety and depression. So I’m also worried he might do something stupid. He also has another daughter from a previous relationship, they split up when she was 6 months old and she will be 9 this year. So this will also affect her as I’ve been in her life since she was 1 and a half. My head is so messed up and I really don’t want to do this alone but I can’t keep putting up with the way he thinks he can treat me. I really don’t want to break our family up either! We really wanted a child together and I had a miscarriage a few months before conceiving our daughter, she is the best thing to happen to me and I don’t want to do this to her but I don’t want her to grow up thinking this behaviour is ok either! It doesn’t help that I can’t see family or friends, I feel completely alone in this. I really don’t know what to do 😢

OP posts:
soannya · 14/04/2020 13:04

You’ve done the right thing. Don’t back down. He can’t be trusted. He’s a liar and a cheat. Stick with it and once lockdown is over build your life back up

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2020 13:22

He’s a serial cheat. Having a baby won’t make him faithful.

RLEOM · 15/04/2020 15:53

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through a similar situation with my daughter's dad (he was a porn addict, cheat and a liar) and consequently split up when DD was 3 months. It's been a bumpy ride and still is 14 months on, but at least I'm not having my heart broken. Feel free to PM me x

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 15/04/2020 15:58

He’s not even trying to be subtle. I think he wanted to get caught. Sorry OP it’s going to be crappy for now but if you stand firm there is a happy future ahead with people who respect you and where you can feel valued and loved. If you take him back you will have a future of disrespect and rock bottom self esteem for you and your daughter.

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