Need support, think this is it

[MrsSiba]

Desperately need a hand hold.

I've asked to speak to DH tonight and I think it's going to be to end our marriage. Really not been getting on for a couple of years at least. He is losing his rag and shouting at me, in front of the children. Everything I say he takes as a personal insult to the point where I just can't do this anymore. We haven't had sex since the youngest was conceived. There is no warmth or affection, at most a peck on the cheek when he leaves for work. Separate beds for a year now.
I am worried about breaking up for the sake of the children. They are 7 and 3.

Lots of these types of threads say get your ducks in a row but he hasn't got a pot to piss in. The house and mortgage are in my name, he has no savings.

He made it clear he doesn't want to talk. I am half expecting him to go tonight but we are in lock down and there is no DV so he might end up staying.

What the hell do i do??

I can't really offer any advice other than stick to your guns. Use your DC to motivate u to keep going. You deserve to be happy.
I'll check back here again if uou wanted to update.

Sounds like a pretty miserable life OP. You definitely deserve more and so do your children. Hope the chat went well this evening 💐

Sounds miserable and like you really should end it. I think in the interests of equality though it should be pointed out that the house, and mortgage, are marital assets and would need to be divided some way on divorce.
Good luck with the conversation, no one needs to to be this miserable "for the sake of the children"

Thanks for replies, thought I'd killed the thread before it started. Just lost my update so am retyping it....

There was only thing I wanted to say to him and that was not to shout at me in front of the children and that he needs to control his anger.
He has recently developed the idea that because I don't declutter it affects him. Like he takes it personally, as if I do it only to annoy him which I don't, that's ridiculous. I have more stuff than him and granted some clothes I haven't worn for years but so what?! We are not tripping over anything. Our house is average I would say.

There's too much anger to have a discussion. I told him I know he has no feelings for me and we can go our separate ways once lockdown is over. Unfortunately we have children together which will always be a link. Wish I'd used a sperm donor.

I don't feel anything. I am not sad or teary or happy. Worried about having to sort out access for him to see the children. What a mess.

That sounds miserable op. I would ask him to leave as it sounds that he doesn't respect you at all. It sounds like he has no respect for himself either.

OP his personal circumstances are not your responsibility. Repeat.

His behaviour does sound abusive. Shouting at you and blaming you for his aggression. He chooses how he behaves. He can tidy up if he is unhappy.

Don't wait for lockdown to end, it could be ages. He needs to go.

He is using aggression to prevent you from having any control over your life. Time he went. Don't care where.

chickenyhead he wants me to chuck my old stuff out. I can't understand why that affects his mental health though? It's all out of sight.

He does tidy up and boy, do I know about it.i am doing other things like sorting dinner etc. He sank to a new low tonight. Saying he is the woman in the house, doing the cleaning, changing nappies. What a bellend. Can't see the stuff I do daily.

Ifonlywecouldwishuponastar He doesn't respect me, I don't think.

What do you mean by he doesn't respect himself either? I don't understand.

Just adding my support to this -- I was in spookily similar situation to you until four years ago, suffering from exactly the same dilemma etc (right down to it being my assets etc and my H having a thing about decluttering). We had that conversation, my H moved out and it was definitely the right thing to do.

I'm now infinitely happier, my self-esteem has rocketed (as has my career) my child is fine and I'm in a good new relationship. It will be an upheaval and difficult but there's no question at all that its the right thing to do.

thepeopleversuswork Really? Weird similarity. Pleased to hear you are happier now and splitting was the right decision.

I would really like to chat with you if that would be OK? DM if you wouldn't mind but just ignore if you don't fancy it 🙂

All very normal this morning, as if we never spoke last night. I don't want to be rowing the whole time so that's good. He's gone to work. See what happens when he gets home.

My daughter came into my bed last night. She never does that and it made me wonder if she is picking up on the mood.

I feel really stressed about ending it.