The breakup has happened and there is no going back not for me anyway. It was a short term relationship and it quickly became toxic and unhealthy. I realised that I could see some cruel narc type behaviours in him which made me behave very anxiously, constantly trying to second guess him or win his affection back to me. It made me feel like I needed to play the game he was playing with me and it was very confusing. I wasn’t sleeping or eating properly and couldn’t concentrate. It was like I needed to wake up one day and realise what was going on and when I did I ended it immediately. I dropped back his personal items without seeing him face to face and cleared my phone of all traces of him. Of course he still has to drop my items to my house and leave them outside, he has not done this yet. I asked him to post them or throw them away but he insisted he was going to drive them to me. I am still unsure whether he will try to use that as a way to hoover me back one final time somehow but as I took all the control of the breakup I just need to be aware it is possible but not likely.
So I sound like I am doing great. But I am not. Although I feel like a weight has lifted I also have a huge hole left by his constant presence or thoughts of him in my life. I’m keeping busy, I’m talking to friends I’m even swiping on Tinder. Nothing is helping me to feel better or happier. I know this will not last but it doesn’t help when there are so many hours in the day to pass by and no one wants to hear about it this all day long every day. I am under counselling but don’t have a session booked for a while due to the lockdown and she is changing everything over to telephone bookings.
I’m so anxious all the time and probably won’t be able to settle until he has finally dropped my things off. I don’t even really want or need them but I don’t want to communicate with him anymore. I’m so tired and drained. Can anyone help me with how to feel better? I keep having anxiety attacks and struggling to sleep