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Any hope?

10 replies

confusedforeigner · 13/04/2020 13:04

Slightly long one.

Been seeing a guy for about 3 months. I'm African and an immigrant, he's African too but british. BF has an Asian ex who's very sexy with gorgeous hair, not really sure he's over her but that's another thread.
I shaved my hair about 7 months ago and the only thing I can have on now are braids and/or wigs. Bf makes some comments about my hair like "when is your hair gonna grow?" One time he saw an old picture of me with my personal hair and again asked when my hair will come back. He said to me that he doesn't like my friend's dreadlocks as it's too "powerful". I shut him down to say people can do what they like. In addition, he also makes comments about my dresses when we go out. For example, when we went to a club, I'd wear a mini dress with thin straps and bf would say "in Europe, women dress classier to clubs." He throws these comments in the air as if they're not directed at me but I know they are. He would ask why I don't wear jeans as they make people classier. I honestly think he compares me with his ex because this is the way she dresses.

I'm thinking of leaving him but I'm a bit insecure about my hair especially now. I liked a white guy who got turned off after I told him I had a wig on. He just stopped talking to me. I don't mind dating guys of any race but I get so insecure when a guy of another race shows interest in me. I start thinking "would they still like me if they found out my hair is short, not straight?" "Would they like me if they realised I had a wig on?"

I don't know what I am asking. Just throwing this out there. Am I overthinking stuff?

OP posts:
Whaddyathinkofthis · 13/04/2020 13:54

Tbh, this guy sounds like a dick.

You're overthinking your worries about yourself but not this guy. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel beautiful - not insecure and doubting yourself x

NoMoreDickheads · 13/04/2020 14:01

He sounds like a wanker, dump him.

Don't tell guys you have a 'wig' at first though. It makes it sounds worse than it is. If you feel you have to take the weave off at night as it's uncomfortable, don't tell them until you sleep (as in sleep the night) with them, which you needn't have happen for a while. By that time, they'll be keen on you as a person and won't be as put off with it as some might be when they're told it at the start.

Oh and a lot of girls in the UK dress pretty raunchy for clubbing.

TudorRoses · 13/04/2020 14:08

Don't ever make the mistake of trying to make yourself into what a man wants you to be, or to change your appearance into what he wants a girlfriend to look like.

Be yourself. The right man for you will love you for being you.

BaronessBomburst · 13/04/2020 14:17

How on earth do jeans make your classier?Confused
Dump. He's wasting your time.

rvby · 13/04/2020 14:23

He sounds a complete arse, the kind of man who is dying for an opportunity to make a woman miserable and insecure tbh.

ThirtyAndASmidgen · 13/04/2020 14:29

Have you read/listened to anything by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, especially her novel Americanah? She’s fantastic - very insightful and funny - on the subjects of immigration and black women’s hair.

category12 · 13/04/2020 14:37

Sounds like he's negging you.Why would you stay with someone who puts you down?

Any decent guy will mind his own damn business about your hair and choice of clothes and like you for who you are.

Give him the boot. Better alone than badly accompanied.

SandAndSea · 13/04/2020 14:41

Yeah, he's negging you and it's horrible. You deserve much better. I would get out now before you lose more confidence.

Fantasiaa · 13/04/2020 14:50

Break up with him ASAP

BelleHathor · 13/04/2020 14:58

🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ Run away as fast as you can. He is not worth your time. He obviously has issues with his own "blackness" and own insecurities that he is projecting on you. The type of guy that would want to relax a child's hair. As a woman you can be powerful, looks like he needs a doormat!
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzd0Q1qfWPs

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