Manners

[Bradleyb2014]

Will try and keep this post short
I sent my partner's children a sweetie hamper via the post to let them known am think of them (we all live separately ) the day the sweets arrived my partner called to say was I trying to make him feel rubbish thinking these were for Easter to which I explained no there not for Easter (as he hadn't got my son anything up to us )
Anyway yesturday well on the phone to my partner , one of the boys say to his dad can I open my sweets (they had just been to the shop ) to which I said to my partner
" talking about sweets ....are the boys not going to thank me ?"
To which my partner went mad told me not to send anything else ...etc .what's your thoughts ? The boys are 11 and 12

I'd be ditching that partner. What an arse!

I don't think you should worry about being thanked. I think you should worry about wasting your time with this man.

Unbelievably rude!

They're rude for not saying thank you (my 5yo says thank you without being prompted) but you can see where they get it from. He sounds pathetic. Almost like you doing something kind has made him feel threatened?!

You're far too good for that horse's ass of a partner.

Where did you send the sweets to? The xW house? If so it might have caused an
Issue (no idea) or if to his - did he not tell them they were from you? Maybe he intercepted?

I'm more worried that he felt slighted and threatened that you did something. How are you trying to make him feel rubbish by sending something to his kids? That would be seen as a nice gesture to a "normal" person.

Secondly, the children may have said "thank you" but not to you as a) he may not have told them you sent it or b) he told them he would tell you they said thank you.

He sounds paranoid.

If I’d handed them over in person, I’d expect them to say ‘thank you’ then. That’s a reasonable expectation of ‘manners’.

It would be lovely, and very good manners, for them to have thanked you under the circumstances you describe but I can see how the opportunity could easily be overlooked. I don’t see that as particularly bad manners, just an oversight.

Your remark was passive aggressive.

Your partner is nasty and unappreciative.

Do you like each other at all?

Why did you not mention to your partner about the sweets prior? That would have been sensible. I’d have casually mentioned it to him prior to make sure it was ok.

What’s wrong with him that he was so annoyed, seems angry at himself for not sending them Easter eggs as now they’ll realise that was possible as your gift was delivered so ECGs could have been too...

Yeah, they should have thanked you. But if they live with their mother and not their father she perhaps has no manners herself and didn’t think to remind them to thank you. Kids do sometimes need a ‘what do you say’...

All in all it seems like there are a few communication issues between all involved.

Asking to be thanked is just weird.

I'm not sure why he felt threatened by you sending some sweets to them. There are about 100 "it depends" as to if that was a nice thing to do, or an insensitive one, but nobody "asks" to be thanked.
It would make it completely meaningless.

I would expect a 'thank you' if I handed over a gift in person. Beyond that, lots more 'it depends' come into it

There are about 100 "it depends" as to if that was a nice thing to do, or an insensitive one

Fair enough. I agree. I also agree with PP that he should have been asked first before sending the sweets. I can see how odd it may have been to receive a package without prior warning.

Secondly, yes I did cringe when i read "aren't they going to thank me?" Not something I would say tbh but he also did overreact with the outburst.

Perhaps you are a bit pushy OP, are you? What with sending something without asking and expecting/asking to be thanked, especially after his reaction (a bit weird still with saying he's being made to feel rubbish).

I don't know really, I think context really does matter here.

He sounds like a git. What are you doing with him?

Dump him. If you set your bar low from the start you're asking to be treated like dirt. Set the bar high and your OH will know you won't tolerate disrespectful behaviour.

I can see how odd it may have been to receive a package without prior warning. God people are weird. Are people really unable to cope with receiving a package out of the blue? Any normal person would think "how nice of them" and thank them asap.

It’s your DP who sounds rude, do you really want to be with someone like that?