I just don’t want sex anymore - Am I normal?

[fluffymummykins]

I’ve been with my OH for 10 years and have 3 children. For the first 2 years we were like rabbits. Now, I’m just not interested. He’s always tired or stressed and goes to bed really late. I’m either tired or worried the kids will walk in/wake up. Sex is predictable and boring. I have tried to spice things up but again, we make the same excuses. I feel like it’s my fault and often I’ll have sex just so he doesn’t feel rejected. It’s been months since I’ve had an orgasm with him. If I reject him, he says my excuses are BS and that I don’t love/fancy him. I do love him and find him attractive.

Don’t get me wrong, I fantasise and daydream about hot sex, but it’s not with him. I’m only early 30’s, please tell me this is normal?

@Healthyandhappy

My routine? I work from home to do the school run twice a weeks because my OH says doing it interferes with his work. On those days I get up, get me and kids ready, take them to school, work through to picking them up, pick them up, make and have dinner, take them to their clubs, come home, put them to bed, socialise with step-child until they go to bed at 9pm, chill for hour then bed at 10-10:30. Other days I get up at 6, go to work, home at 5, dinner, put kids to bed and as above. Saturday I get up and take kids to their clubs and hobbies until 2:30, make dinner, wash and clean, have dinner, kids to bed, and as above.

When we go to bed I just don’t want sex and if he tries to please me I just can’t be bothered. I don’t want him to waste his time giving me an orgasm because I just feel nothing. ☹️

@mumofboystimesthree Clearly you need some help with this too

Having a different opinion to you, and telling you I don't agree with you does not mean I need help of any sort. You need to understand that people will disagree with you when you seem to want to prioritize a man sulking over his wife's need for rest.

Op, as usual it seems to be the female doing all the hard yards, while he wants everything on his terms and sulks when it doesn't happen. He needs to do his share and then you wouldn't be so worn out with the mundane stuff.

As an update, I’ve made more of an effort this week but I still feel nothing. I don’t know if it’s him or just sex in general. Maybe it’s just me. And the more I think about it the more I think it’s my problem, not his. The other night I cried because although I knew he was having fun (!) I wasn’t, and I just wanted it to end. There’s no one I can talk to, and when I last spoke to the doctor, she said it was probably mental rather than physical.

That's not a great update, op!

Did you dh see you crying?
Could he not sense that you were upset?

@differentnameforthis
No, he didn’t see. Tried again last night and I just feel no sexual desire at all. Like I say, I don’t know if it’s me or him.

Well you were crying while you were being intimate with him, and he didn't notice...I'd say he is inconsiderate!

It sounds like you have a lot of your plate. You might be feeling unappreciated because you seem to be doing a lot on your own. When he’s home does he watch the children so you can rest, give them bath? Help in general. If not then maybe that’s putting you off. It’s definitely
Not a good sign that you don’t want to be intimate. He seems to want to please you.

You should tell him how you feel and if his lack of helping you with the children is putting you off him then tell him that. Communicate to get through this.

OP sorry if this it too personal, but what type of birth control are you on? I felt exactly the same as you about a year ago - I loved my DH, still found him physically attractive, but I just didn't want sex. At all.

Then I got my implant took out (for different reasons) and a few weeks later I felt like my old self again and my sex drive returned. So in my case, it must have been the hormones. I haven't had a problem since, and certainly won't be going back on any type of progesterone-only hormone contraception. It just musn't agree with me.