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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Referred to me as a man?????

47 replies

Pas93 · 13/04/2020 00:40

Hi all.
Just a warning to say this is a sex post..
My partner of 7 years referred usually says 'naughty/bad girl' during bedroom time, however tonight he said 'naughty boy' during intimacy and it really freaked me out.

He immediately laughed and said it was a mistake but I can't get my head around how that can be a mistake unless it's what your thinking about?! We recently had a baby (we have 2 boys) and he's been distant since the end of pregnancy which makes me even more conscious.

To me, I'm never going to forget it and will always think of that if we are intimate again so I'm worried now.

Anyone else been in this situation or what's your views on it please?! Emotional, tired and stuck
Thanks

OP posts:
Cordial11 · 13/04/2020 00:41

Did he mean himself?

Splitsunrise · 13/04/2020 00:43

What is it you’re worried about?

Original poster
Pas93 · 13/04/2020 00:44

I have no idea 🙁 he hasn't said that he just keeps saying it was by accident. We've argued about it now so he's not here to ask, just so strange and freaked me out, I'm self conscious at the best of times never mind when I think he would rather be having it away with a man!

OP posts:
Hadjab · 13/04/2020 00:44

He was probably thinking about himself, then misspoke, we’ve all done it, doesn’t make, him gay, bi, or whatever.

Original poster
Pas93 · 13/04/2020 00:48

Any tips on how to get past thinking about it if we are intimate again? I can't see myself forgetting it atall

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 13/04/2020 00:58

OP - I think you are probably overthinking this a bit. Unless over the years you have had suspicions that your H is gay - I’d say it’s probably more likely that he misspoke.
You have a new baby in the house, so both probably tired.
Try - if you can - to not let it snowball into something bigger than it is.
Just focus on yourself and your boys.

Flamingnora123 · 13/04/2020 01:04

I don't mean this to sound weird, but could it be that he's so used to using the term "good/beautiful/naughty/funny/clever boy" to your kids that the boy just accidentally followed on from the adjective? I only say this because I often refer to my horse as my child's name, or say good girl to my child and good boy to my horse (wrong genders). I know it's weird because it was during sex, but doesn't necessarily mean that the mistake was sexual. Like when you call your teacher "mum".

Original poster
Pas93 · 13/04/2020 01:10

Flamingnora thats what I thought/hoped too but just let it completely escalate in my head into something bigger, thank you.
Try get some sleep and not be so emotional in the morning!!

OP posts:
OldWomanSaysThis · 13/04/2020 05:14

I would think it was something he has said to a son in the past and his brain just misfired. I wouldn't think anything of it.
And [spoiler alert] this gets worse as you get older.

Kintsugi16 · 13/04/2020 06:00

Think nothing of it, a slip of the tongue
If it was me you would be likely to be called by the dogs name 😂

MissBax · 13/04/2020 06:14

I think I'd find it weird and would probably overthink it as well OP. Has there been anything else in the past to suggest that he might be attracted to men?

Desmondo2016 · 13/04/2020 08:46

It's probably just like the time I told my gran that dinner smelt 'disgusting' when I meant 'delicious' or the time I ask my mum to have the kids because I had booked a 'cut and blow job' 🙈

Original poster
Pas93 · 13/04/2020 20:12

😂😂 Thank you everyone, he's still saying it was a mistake and nothing else has ever happened to make me think it so I've just got to ignore it if i can. I think more than likey your right saying it wa slip of the tongue

OP posts:
kleew1 · 13/04/2020 20:14

I once said to my partner to touch my dick. I don't have one have no idea what I was thinking or saying. Totally not thinking I had one/wanted to have one. These things happen. I'm cringing again even writing this haha!

Thingsdogetbetter · 13/04/2020 20:29

I once told my class we were focusing on clitoral thinking in the lesson - instead of critical! I call it active thinking now because my brain has stuck on clitoral. Lol. Brains glitch sometimes. Usually at completely the wrong time!

Shatandfattered · 13/04/2020 20:32

I showed my dp this for male perspective and he said he's probably had a slip of the tongue totally nothing to worry about

mindutopia · 13/04/2020 20:34

Clitoral thinking Grin

Isitsixoclockalready · 13/04/2020 20:39

99% of posters have reassured you that it's nothing to get phased about. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and I'm sure that if he had any attraction to men you would have known about it by now.

DailyKegelReminder · 13/04/2020 20:41

Sorry OP I can tell how distressed you are about this (it would make me ConfusedHmm too) but I'm giggling at the thought. He either was thinking of himself as naughty, got mixed up or slip of the tongue.

thecatsarecrazy · 13/04/2020 20:49

I called my son a naughty girl once. No idea why I have no daughters, 3 son's. Try not to over think

TheEndIsBillNighy · 13/04/2020 20:55

I often say “good girl” to my son and vice verse with my daughter. It is a complete mistake, and totally possible if you’re in the throes of passion.

Try not to mention it again. Bearing in mind there is nothing else whatsoever to suggest he is thinking of anything other than you, I would let it go.

Original poster
Pas93 · 13/04/2020 22:10

Some of these comments have made me feel better and laugh so thank you, I think your all right and it's nice to have a male perspective shatandfattered thank you

OP posts:
Cassandrainthenight · 13/04/2020 22:21

I stunned my 5 year old DD yesterday by calling her "good boy". To be honest, I was thinking of dogs at the time 😂

Interestedwoman · 13/04/2020 22:25

Is there some reason why you can't believe him that it was a slip of the tongue? Have you other reasons to have doubts about his sexuality?

Heartburn888 · 13/04/2020 22:56

blown massively out of proportion

It was an accident and I wouldn’t think he was gay but I think you’ve been a bit unreasonable by arguing with him about it