Friend ignored me for 3 months then gets in touch

[Charliehasagoldenticket]

Friends since high school - I moved back to my hometown about 18 months ago where she still lives.

I’ve got my suspicions she MAY be in an emotionally controlling relationship but no proof. Only from observations I have made of his behaviour and inadvertent comments she made. Nothing significant, it’s all very subtle so could be my imagination. She’s been with him for many years, no kids.

Although she lives a mere 20 mins drive from me, I have not seen this friend in over a year. The first 6 months after I moved back we’re fine - monthly meet ups. Then it suddenly stopped. This is not through lack of trying on my part. I am rejected at every turn although she continues to text and ask how I am regularly but there’s no conversation or substance really

In January I’d had enough of it and sent her a very measured text saying I really valued our friendship but was confused that in a whole year she never seemed to want to meet up? I put it’d be great to catch up in person rather than just by texts etc.

Zero response - completely blanked. 3 months pass with no communication and today she sent me a Happy Easter text. Nothing else, just that.

I’m unsure how to proceed. Clearly she is reaching out but I can’t help but think she’s just so rude ignoring my last message and going silent for the following months. My gut feeling is that she thought if she went long enough she could message me and I’d have forgotten about my unanswered question, and had no intention of acknowledging it now.

What would you do? I feel at this stage the friendship has waned but it’s a shame to lose a “friend” over 15 years. It could just be her being a shitty friend so where do you draw the line between your own self worth and respect and keeping a friendship?

Agree with Maddy68, send a text back saying "lovely to hear from you. I hope you're coping ok with all that is going on. Would be great to chat."

It lets her know you are still there for her when she needs to get out.

I would say she’s updated her phone and sent a blanket text to all of her contacts, otherwise surely she would have said more than this.

I would move on and forget her - she doesn’t sound like she wants a friendship with you tbh.

I had a similar situation and waited months to see if my “friend” would bother even asking how I was. I realised she only really contacted me if it benefited her. She was a crap friend and I cut her loose (for the 2nd time I might add, giving her one last chance).

Months later she messaged me asking to be my friend, saying she knew she wasn’t perfect but as she never acknowledged or apologised for her behaviour so I ignored her.

About a year later I got another message from her boasting about her so-called amazing life and calling me a few choice names. I just didn’t give her the satisfaction of a reply despite wanting to give her a piece of my mind.

I think I clung to her as we had grown up together and had history. I was sad about the breakup but she was just not a good friend to me.

Given the background of potential controlling relationship, it would cost you nothing to text back something like Happy Easter and ask how she is. If she doesn't respond, it's not really any skin off your nose and you've tried.

I would not reply. I have known people like this and should have known after forgiving them after the first time they have shown their true colours. Some people say Happy Easter, Christmas and New Year etc but do nothing to maintain the friendship throughout the rest of the year. Friendships should be a fair exchange of energy, I know there will be difficult times but being ignored by someone is downright rude.

Without the controlling ex I would say ignore but I would at least reply happy Easter. I wouldn’t give any personal information about myself but would give her chance to get in touch.