I want another baby so much it is ruining my marriage

[Nata20]

Hi,this is my 1st post. I keep going through emotions and thought it might be good to see if anyone else was in similar situation or has a good advice. My husband is 15years older and has 2 grown up children already.We have a 9 years old together. I wanted a 2nd child many times but our marriage was quite rocky and he always said no. So I respected his wishes and carried on. About 18months ago he had a vasectomy and strangely I thought it's probably for the best, as he always said he didn't want another one and I thought it would make the feeling of wanting another one go away. Unfortunately it made everything so much worse. I broke down in tears after a week and to my surprise he said, let's try while he still had live sperm! So we did, but it wasn't meant to be.. I am now regretting my decisions in life and kicking myself for allowing him to go through with this procedure and also blaming him for this as well. We still argue, as I am quite unhappy and reversal isn't really on the cards.. I love him dearly and can't imagine being without him but can't move on. We have a lovely child together. He was a difficult baby and I guess this has put a lot of strain on our relationship at the time. He is still very much hard work. How do I get past this?

He can have it reversed, but does he want to?

Either he wants one or he doesn't. You can leave and meet someone else to have a baby with or you stay and get past this and accept it's not meant to be.

You just need to deal with it. You aren't having another baby with him. He's older, he's got three children, he doesn't want to do it again and he's had the snip. These were risks you took when you got together with an older man who already had grown up DC.
Count your blessings and learn acceptance. It will help you be happy in life instead of miserable and angry.

If I had to choose between keeping one child and a decent husband or sending the relationship to the bin in order to have another kid, my head would say “keep the husband”, my hormones “have another baby, WHATEVER it takes”.

Listen to your head, the hormones don’t care what’s best for you and your family.

I am...kicking myself for allowing him to go through with this procedure

What do you mean by “allow him”?

If your husband took such a drastic step as to permanently render himself infertile to avoid having more children, I think you have to accept that he really doesn’t want more children.

I think you've had quite a turbulent decade. Have you had marriage counselling at any point? If he were into the idea, I would try some couples counselling if you can (probably available online). But don't assume that you will end up with a solution from it. It might help you communicate better though.

How old are you OP?

Do you still love your dh and want to continue the marriage? It's a long time for things to be "rocky". Maybe splitting up would be a good thing?

You're not going to have another child with him. (I think it was quite cruel for him to do the last chance saloon thing to you post-vasectomy.) So you have a choice to stay and accept, or leave and see what happens.