Domestic violence dilemma involving neighbours

[scoobydoo1971]

We live in a quiet street, and residents tend to keep themselves to themselves. The neighbour opposite has always creeped me out. He is a vile man who stares at women like a piece of meat, and he talks to his wife with such verbal abuse in front of their kids that I feel horrified. Having rejected his sexual advances when I first moved here, he now shouts insults at me on the rare occasion that our paths cross. I just ignore him but he presents as a bully and oddball character of low intelligence who lashes out and has low control of his emotions.

Their children are abusive and aggressive to other children in the neighbourhood, and it is not surprising given what they must see and hear at home. I have heard them saying really awful stuff to their mother like 'I am not taking orders from no woman'...and you can only imagine they hear that from adults as these kids are definitely primary-school age. I always got the feeling from the various rows we could hear that there might be serious domestic violence going on between the couple, but it was infrequent as he works away some of the week. However, since lockdown the rows have escalated and the children are witnessing it...the whole street are witnessing it. Last night they had a screaming match in the street lasting one hour in front of their kids, and I can hear him telling her she is stupid and evil tonight as their windows are open.

From my professional background, I would say there are safeguarding issues for the wife and children. He is physically enormous and she is tiny so I can see how intimidating it must be locked up together. Normally I would report this to the police or social services, but in the Corona situation I have no idea how agencies are responding and if it would make matters worse for this family.

Looking for some advice...

The wife would probably call the police for help if she could.
Call the police.

They are screaming at each other in the street for an hour and NO ONE called the police? Pandemic or not, the police and social services need to be called. I fail to see how you could think there's another option.

You need to call the police when there are incidents, Corona or not. The services are still there, you can't just stand by.

Call the police and social services xx

Someone needs to intervene and fast. Forget Corona do what you'd normally do in that situation and the appropriate authorities will work around it

The home secretary said only yesterday DO call the police for domestic violence. It is a priority.

Definitely call the police tell them this is ongoing but has escalated.

The police will still attend in these situations. Of course the police are taking measures where possible to minimise risk but ultimately they will respond as normal when someone is at risk.

Bizarre that no one's called the police if it's that bad?

Christ people call police these days for being called a prick on facebook.

Please call the police. Pandemic or no pandemic this needs to be reported.

Thanks mumsnet, I will contact the police.

Why is this a dilemma??

It is a dilemma because this woman may not be able to access DV services at this busy time, and may not have the finances to escape from him. I have asked a colleague who works in this area and she reports that local agencies are 'overwhelmed' at this stressful time. My dilemma is that sending the police to the door at a challenging time may make her deny or minimise the abuse, and make episodes escalate in the fallout from a formal visit. However, having just gone to my garage, I can hear him shouting again, and have decided to act in the hope that it has a positive outcome for the female occupant and the children.

Worse case scenario and he hospitalises or kills her, and you hadn't reported, you'd feel like shit. It's the only thing you can do for her and her children. No-one doing anything gives him the confidence no-one ever will.

Please report. Even if for whatever reason no further action is taken now it helps to build up her case.

My mum was killed by her boyfriend. The neighbours heard it and didn't report it. Please, please report. Repeatedly if you have to.

You are doing the right thing in reporting it. Even if she denies it a marker has been set down and he with be on their radar.

Call the police, every time.

Please, call the police each an every time, even if it's five times a day. Crime has actually fallen in our force area by 40% because of the lockdown (I work for the cops), and while the officers still have plenty to do, they should be there with bells on each and every time. We prioritise domestic incidents because they are so dangerous.

Yes, please call this in each and every time.

They will separate the couple (or should do) to,speak to them. The police have said that normal lockdown rules do not apply where domestic violence is concerned. 10 women have been murdered by their partners since lockdown.
The woman might not be able to escape, but police will consider a DVPN, (domestic violence prevention order) or more, where the offender is banned from coming back.
Who knows what she might disclose if police visit. The children, if they are not already, need to be brought to the attention of social services and this is one way to do it, however it pans out.

Wow. People are calling the police on people for stepping outside their home but they're still not bothering to call the police when they witness domestic violence.

Call the police every time.

My friend works in protective services and they have plans and are working round the clock. There are extra level of services in place right now. Call the police and report your concerns

Our local council social media has posts about what to do to report adult and child protection concerns. Please call them or the police.

Phone the police. Every time you hear or see something like that going on between them. Also if he’s shouting insults at you I would contact the police too.