Narcissistic evil mother

[XylophoneSymphony]

I tried to go low contact (about 90%)
Everytime there’s either texting or a phone call I end up really ill. Stressed and wound up and she makes me so unhappy. Still tried to sabotage my life remotely

Latest thing is her neighbours have been contacting me why are they having to get her groceries (I live very nearby) I’ve ignored them
Another family friend keeps asking how are we helping her as she’s shielding I don’t know what to say as I’m not doing anything. I feel like the only way now is NC
Do I just block her number and forget her ?

It does seem odd that you stay in touch with her and yet wont even drop her groceries off.

Either cut contact completely or step up to the plate. The former is probably the best move. But be prepared for the phone calls from everyone who know her and their cats to start calling you when you do.

It’s literally been a few texts and 1 phone all a month for the last 8 months but she seems to realise she has far less opportunities now to upset me so makes the most of the ones she has to the point I haven’t been able to have much contact at all so now I’ve realised low contact needs to become no contact

I haven’t seen her in that time at all

Honestly no matter what your mother has done in the past I wouldn't let myself down by refusing to help her in the middle of a global pandemic. You can still collect and drop off her shopping with very little contact.

Mumofboysngirls...of you'd had a narcissist in your life you might feel differently. They utilise any opportunity possible to mess your life up and break you down mentally, physically and spiritually. They're bloody evil.

That being said, perhaps you could order a delivery for her if you get a slot. ...but I'm sure she's find a way to turn that into a drama too. Risk you take I guess. It sounds like she has plenty of other ppl she can (manipulate) ask to run around after her.

@Mumofboysngrls it might surprise you that some people are not close to their familes at all.

I just spoke to a woman who cut her mother off totally. She hasn't spoken to her in six years.

Just because they are family does't mean we have to be any way close to them. If they are abusive why should we.

Emotional and physical abuse Plus neglect as a child till I left aged 18. Im nearly 40 now
I tried for years I finally stopped seeing her face to face 8 months ago and have had texts and 1 call a month which she has still used to upset me
So no I don’t feel particularly inclined to do her groceries just because her neighbours think I should

Block her number. You don't owe her anything

I tried for all that time in the mistaken belief somehow I was partly to blame till I had therapy and it’s just bad timing 8 months later there’s a pandemic

Yeh just like the thing when you were trying to break away. On the bright side, hopefully it'll put her off turning up at your door when she realises you've blocked her.

Dont feel you need to defend yourself to ppl who she uses to guilt you either. Just tell them your mother is a manipulative woman and you want nothing more to do with her if they call and not to contact you again.

Yes I would block her and her flying monkeys. You don’t have to answer to anyone. This is “hoovering” - nothing to do with the pandemic - she would most likely have emotionally blackmailed you with another invented health crisis anyway.

Protect your own emotional health. You have done so well over the last 8 months which no doubt is after a lifetime of abuse.

“Shield” your own MH.

I’ve just been ignoring because otherwise having to explain just means I have to reopen wounds in an uncontrollable way. In therapy it’s different and I’m more able to talk about it to say to someone ‘no I can’t help and this is why’ makes me feel that I don’t know where to start and how to end , that I’ll blurt out too much trying to justify myself with examples of the abuse then ill be stressed and unhappy as talking about it is painful

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone and you don't owe your mother anything.

The only thing you need to ask yourself, is if you block her and something were to happen to her would that effect you? If the answer is no, then cut all ties and the same with her neighbours.

Unfortunately in this situation you're always going to look like the bad person as your mother has clearly manipulated them to believe all the 'woes me' rubbish she's probably spouting - but remember these people mean nothing to you and add no value to your life so try not to give a sh*t about what they think.