Feeling very discouraged

[clock87]

Hi everyone

I hope everything is well considering. I wondered if I could get some advice

Recently I was dating this guy, he seemed so keen at first he wanted to go away struck up video chats with my friends asked me to go into isolation with him

Anyway literally he just started backing away and he is now clearly seeing someone else (she doesn’t even live in the country and the two have struck up some FaceTime romance)

I know we didn’t date for long and honestly I prop wouldn’t be so annoyed if he didn’t promise so much, I feel it’s one thing to go on a couple of dates and keep it light and it’s another thing asking to go away with someone and writing texts saying he can’t wait to talk to me.

Anyway he hasn’t bothered to say anything and even when I said I missed his company he went “it’s only been a couple of dates”.

I just feel to blame and it’s really hurt me that someone can just flip like that and throw you out like trash again if it was just a couple of dates without the hype I wouldn’t have cared but I feel like I deserve at least the curtsy of an explanation

Anyway I’m 32 and I always feel I’m second best or beaten to end by some other chick.. am I really that horrible to be with? Is there someone out there for me is it too late?

I hope you all are having a decent time in isolation I’m finding it hard with this situation to feel
Positive x

Intrigued to hear from people who may have found love later in life?

Sounds like love bombing, and he probably wanted you to go into isolation with him to get sex on tap. I reckon you had a lucky escape.

32 is hardly later in life.

32? Later in life! Come on! Just keep living life, enjoying any and all experiences and you may or not find love, but please don't wallow, it's such a waste.

Love bombing.
Narrow escape.

What’s love bombing?

"Love bomb[ing] refers to the form of emotional manipulation in which a person, often a narcissist, “bombs” you with an OTT amount of affection, flattery, gifts, and praise early in the relationship in order to win over your attention for the purpose of being able to control you."

If someone is overly keen to start with, (like suggesting you go into isolation together when you barely know each other etc), it's unlikely to be genuine or healthy.

Yeh when I said I couldn’t he said “ok well we will just have to revaluate after this (isolation)”

Very odd

I had one like that a few years back. He was properly OTT talking about holidays, me meeting family back home etc, slept together, never saw him again. Went for breakfast in the morning, Spoke on the phone as usual all week then Thursday night ended it over the phone. Just done. Fucked me up for a long time. X

Anyway, I was single for a long time after, working on me, getting to a position to like myself before I started dating again. I’m 44 and have been dating a great guy for 5 months. X

I would run a million miles from someone who would want to isolate together when you have only been on a couple of dates! Sounds like he gets far too keen far too quickly, which he did with you and now he’s onto the next one. You have had a lucky escape.
Being really keen too soon is always a red flag - it’s either love bombing, or it’s someone who loves the idea of a relationship more than the reality. Even if he was genuinely keen, the fact that he can’t rein it in during the early days is a red flag.

In the space of three days he has now uploaded a fair amount of pictures of her?!! It’s so odd just feel blind sighted

Unfollow him my love.

Some men just love this sort of thing, they want the loved up excitement without ever really being close to anyone.

He may last ages with this new woman because she is long distance and therefore less of a risk of wanting him to be a real, intimate partner.

Hes a head worker, and that's why you feel as you do, hes done your head in a bit and you just need some time to recover.

Yuck, he sounds terrible, the poor woman has not "won", he's a plank. Thank goodness for the lucky escape, and that he showed himself to be a knob before you wasted any more time on him. Raise your standards and move on.

This is really common with online dating. You'll learn to spot it eventually, the over enthusiastic ones always lose interest over night and generally just ghost you. You're definitely not later on life though, I wish i was only 32

The point at which you should have realised this guy was not a good idea was when he wanted to go into isolation with you when you’d only been on a couple of dates, rather than be flattered and then feel let down when he flitted on to some other woman!

Lucky escape.
Sorry you're hurt though.

That is terrible but it is also what you are going to get with men. Have you considered the possibility of dating womxn at all? Studies show that womxn in relationships with other womxn are not only much happier but less prone to abuse and manipulation too. It literally saves lives x

Thanks everyone I’m just finding it hard not to compare myself to her she seems so great x

That is terrible but it is also what you are going to get with men. Have you considered the possibility of dating womxn at all? Studies show that womxn in relationships with other womxn are not only much happier but less prone to abuse and manipulation too. It literally saves lives x

Firstly @kathybriggs360 not all men are terrible, there are men who treat their partners like equals and work with them as a team.

Secondly, sexuality isn't something you can switch on and off. You can't suddenly decide you want to be physically same sex attracted and have it just happen.

I've seen you on a couple of boards now suggesting women start dating 'womxn'.

It's rude and quite strange to tell people they should choose to date same sex people, when they aren't gay. I'm bi and I find your suggestion really odd, it implies that we can all just choose what our sexuality is.

Not sure why you're using the 'womxn' spelling either?

Sorry to rain on the parade guys but it turns out my amazing dp is a lying cheating wanker!

Ah well, only 5 months wasted eh? Another tosser for the heap!

@Lilolily I’m so sorrry to hear that! How did you find out? TBH good riddance to him don’t need that trash in your life!

Innocently looking at his Twitter, odd tweets, looked into them, asked him who she was, lied to my face, spoke to her and got the full story. I’m not even angry, just really disappointed and sad. X

We aren’t responsible for how others behave. It’s who they are he played you simple it’s what they do. They say what they think will make us pliable. Then when they decide we aren’t for them they move on making us feel like we done something wrong. The best relationships are born of friendship growing that way we are ourselves not in our best behaviour friends we can have boundaries with. Dates new boyfriends we tend to overlook it or not say anything. Friendships don’t rely on lust either or looks or size or money or status. The only way to get real love is from something that grows naturally from being ourselves