Relationship problems after 3 years

[Mleigh25]

Hi all, my partner of three years on Saturday has decided that she never wants sex again as she doesn't like how it feels. There's no intimacy in the relationship anymore as I'm not allowed to even kiss her properly. We have 2 kids together but she said she's always just gone along with having sex. I'm really confused as I love her with all my heart but I also really enjoy the intimate side of the relationship with her. She was abused as a child but she says it's not because of that and apparently its not that I'm bad at it. I don't know what to do for the best

You have two kids under age of 3? Jesus. That itself is already very hard work!
I don't know why obviously she has gone off, but after having kids I didn't want any set either! Especially having a newborn and a 1.5yo. Two under three is very exhausting for any parent.
Maybe just talk to her, be there more for her, try and deal with kids a lot more? I wish I had more help.

Thank you, I think it's quite common after birth to go off it, which I'm completely fine with but she says its not just that, I hope it is though as I can't imagine being without her or the kids, it's a big barrier though. We are going to try and work through it, but don't know how best to help her

Maybe give her a bit of space and with time, she will change her approach. Its hard being a parent of kids and it can put a massive strain on any relationship (been there!). Have you considered couples therapy and maybe some individual therapy for her?

Unfortunately she sees therapy as last chance sort of thing, she's potentially going to get some help for her past though. I plan on giving her whatever space or time she needs, and I'm hoping it's just the stress of having two kids under 2, who she poors all her energy into

Not all relationships work out OP and 3 years is not very long, it sounds like it could just be over?

If she says she doesn't want sex again why not just take her ar her word rather than disregard it and think she doesn't really mean it or it's about other things or hope to change her mind. It is a bit patronising and she knows her own mind surely? She has literally told you it isn't since the kids or a result of having them and that she was having sex out of obligation the whole time. Not everyone likes sex or wants it or likes how it feels, however society for the most part dictates that if you want a partner you will have to provide it. Sounds like that was her motivation and now she's told you about it post kids, when you're not as likely to leave.

I feel for you both. She sounds like she must have had an awful time, having sex she doesn't want that has upset her to the extent she feels she can't bear to do it one more time. You don't sound romantically compatible. Not all things can be 'fixed'.

What are you trying to fix or help her with?

She told you what she wants (or doesn’t) and how she feels. Has she indicated she perceives her feelings as being an issue? Does she want or is asking for help?