Timeline for marriage, kids etc

[Shineonyou]

Let’s say I meet a man I like and could see a future with. We are both financially secure and doing good in both our careers.

What should be my time line for getting serious, having kids, marriage etc?

I’d have all the time if I were in my 20s, but things change mid 30s. I have only 5 years left to have the two babies I’ve always wanted. Time is no longer a luxury.

I really want a family and don’t want to go it alone.

Thoughts? What worked for you?

I think whatever you feel comfortable with at the time is what’s right, can’t really prescribe it like that. I do think by the time you’re in your 30s, you do have less time if you want children, but also I think on average people know themselves better and what they want from life better, and are also more willing to be upfront about it, so it’s less risky to move faster than it would be in your early twenties maybe. But really everyone is different.

Met DH when I was 30, but were just friends
Got together properly when I was 32
He moved in when I was 33
Engaged when 34
Married at 35
DS at 36

SIL had her second son when she was 42.

You've got time

You can’t have a timeline for this stuff, OP. I mean, I understand entirely that you would worry about fertility etc, but realistically, just because you’ve got a potential man (assuming this is a new relationship) and would like two children, you can’t just count backwards from the birth of your second child to needing to get serious now, engaged in six months, married in a year or whatever. Relationships can’t function on a timeline like that.

Honestly I know woman who have been in the same boat as you. Two met men who were perfect and besotted with them and they were married and pregnant within two years. Both very happy and secure! I know of four other woman who have panicked, settled for losers who couldn’t give two shits about them...all unhappy and one now has a child with him and is in the process of divorce 2 years after marrying him (which he wasn’t that bothered about doing but she convinced him marriage was the right thing to do).
My advice is don’t settle for someone unless they are 110% into you, and you them. I understand your need of wanting a family unit but just bear in mind a happy family unit is one based of friendship and love. If it’s meant to be in will happen.
On another note...time may be against you but my sisters best friend is pregnant with her 3rd child at 42 and only met her husband when she was 35!

I think whilst nothing in life can really be planned out you should be realistic about age and fertility - you'll get lots of people on here saying they got pregnant quickly and naturally in their 40s but you only need to go on the infertility boards so see that they are the exception rather than the norm. If you've never tried for children before you won't know how easy it will be to get pregnant and stay pregnant.

Some science for you - in your mid 20s 30% of your eggs are expected to be chromosomally normal (humans are in fact one of the least fertile mammals on the planet) - by age 38 this falls to 13% and by 42 its 6%

And that's just for women - male fertility has fallen by at least 1/3 since the 1970s

Me - I'm 36 - with one child - I wanted 3 kids two years apart - I had such plans! But I've had 5 miscarriages and 2 ruptured ectopics in 3 years and now permanently infertile and undergoing our 5th cycle of IVF.....

I met man of dreams at 21, married at 24, first baby at 28. 3 children later (with horrible late miscarriage between 1 and 2). We are still managing to laugh and love our way through this current situation 22 years later.
As a flighty teen who loved the boys could not imagine this is how it would turn out, glad I had lots of fun carefree experiences first though 😊

I think every couple is different dependant on your relationship and future aspirations! I met DH at 29, first DC at 32, bought our first home together at 33, Married at 34 now expecting DC2 at 35! Busy few years

I didn't have any sort of plan. I split with my long term partner at 31 so the thought of having a family was something I thought I might need to accept wouldn't happen. But I met someone 6 months later, was pregnant 6 months after meeting, had DC1 at 32, married at 34, had DC2 at 36. Been together 12 years.

The pregnancy wasn't exactly planned but I had a good career and could financially support myself, so I went ahead knowing I'd be okay even if we didn't work out, as I knew I wanted the baby. We had a few bumps along the road mind, but we figured it out! As a pp said, as we were older, we were more comfortable and upfront with what we wanted/didn't want out of life. We just happened to want to the same things at the same time. Communication is key.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself and try not to have a set-in-stone formula of how things 'should' work out or with whom. Life can surprise you!

I first met my husband end of April 2014, we became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 204, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But we knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, so we made sure we were. It was perfect.
I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier.

Most important thing is to be upfront and honest about what you want when dating. Be open about the fact that you want kids and marriage and have a vague timeframe if you meet the right person. And it’d be a pretty short timeframe if I were in your shoes mid 30s. Say meet, date, engaged at a year, wedding and TTC at eighteen months. You’re in a good position as the guys you’re likely to date around your age range are more ready to settle down and have a family than guys in their twenties imo. Also have a think about whether you’re happy to date a dad.

You will need to move fairly quickly so don’t get stuck with someone if you feel it’s not right or there’s no forward progression, I would only date guys who are upfront about wanting the same as you.

I was in a similar position at 28, knew I wanted marriage and kids but that time was running out if I didn’t crack on (it takes time to meet, date, try etc. and pregnancy isn’t always easy to come by or sustain). Broke up with an ex who didn’t want those things and started dating. Met my now DH a few weeks in and told him I was planning on starting a family in three years time with a partner or alone, so that he could say either he could envisage that too or he wasn’t interested in that life any time soon. He was so we dated at a pretty typical speed but always knew while dating where we were heading. Followed a pretty usual timeline (moved in at a year, bought a house at two years, tried just after two and a bit years, pregnant straight away, engaged at five months pregnant and married at seven months). We always knew we wanted a shotgun wedding as being married before baby arrived was important to us but we didn’t want to prioritise getting married over cracking on keying or buying the house as I was 31). I just knew if I had any chance at kids I needed to make sure I didn’t date anymore guys where there wasn’t a future so I was honest from the first date.

If you want babies put marriage on hold and do the baby bit first.
You never know until you try to conceive you can so if you find the one I wouldn't faff around with the wedding unless it's a quickie and start with babies.
There is all the time in the world to get married, there isn't to have kids.
Do whatever works for you. My parents got married after 6 months and have been together over 35 years. Only you and him will know what's right. X

How longs a piece of string.

Known Mrs for 20 years together 10, not married.
First child 4 months ago.

I'm 44 this month she's 40.

I’d want my children to have dated for around four years, living together for at least two of those before even thinking of marriage and children.

I’d go it alone rather than try and find a man to just meet your wants.