Angry- this is not me.

[disposablegirl]

Hello

I made a post sometime ago about my 3-month relationship with the guy that lives with his Christian parents and basically took from me while I got nothing back. He also wanted to go back to his ex.

The advises I got were really useful and I thank you all for it.

However, I've moved to another stage in my grief- anger. I feel extremely cheated by this guy. At night, I lay awake and take stock of the things I gave, both emotionally and material-wise and I GET SO ANGRY and cry and cry. I've cried everyday for the past 2 weeks. I could have a seemingly normal day but will break down at night and sob. Reflecting on why I'm so sad and angry, I realise I was taken for an idiot. I basically was a fool. I am a medical doctor with another average IQ so this has hurt my ego so badly. I feel extremely foolish. I have been tempted with ringing ex bf and asking for the stuff I bought back!

The part that scares me is that I wake up and say all these nasty things to him. I wish him bad. This is not me at all. I want him to hurt very badly and regret what he did. I wish there was karma. I know he's happy and it's making me resentful - got genuine care and attention from me and is back with his hot ex or probably dating a new woman.

I just wanna move on. I want to stop hurting, stop crying, stop replaying scenarios and stop self-loathing. I've read books recommended and started new activities. They make me feel good transiently but I'm still in so much pain, especially at night. Each time I swipe on dating apps and I get lewd comments or not see a guy that's my type, I break down and cry. I cry everywhere. I have a persistent headache.

My ex hasn't reached out to me, as expected. Am I that forgettable? Breaks my heart.

I also feel I'm never gonna meet anyone I like anymore. I'm 31 in few weeks. It all looks bleak. I love love and consider myself a decent person, why is it so difficult? Feels like I missed my last bustop.

I feel so sad reading these posts.
Look I did everything the 'right' way. I married my childhood sweetheart after 10 years when I was 26. We had 4 DC after marriage. Guess what he cheated on me after 14 years of marriage and 24 of being together.
I thought my life was over and who would want me with all my baggage.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I met the love of my life shortly after and we are still together three years later. I've never known love like it.
It's not easy, we can't see each other right now as we both have our DC living with us and we can't disrupt their lives to live together during lockdown.
What I'm trying to say is, it took me until 40 to find the true love of my life so never give up hope. You deserve the best.

Let it all out. Rage at him - in the privacy of your own space. Think of it as a poison and you want it out of you not in. This is a stage of the grieving process (I know that you know that, just reminding you) and it will take time. But also remember that at least he only got 3 months from you. Some women give up their whole lives and he only got the amount you gave - I read about a woman who gave a man online 62K. It was her lifes savings and she is retired now so will never earn that money again. He got what he got but you are still a doctor and still young and still worth so much more than he ever noticed.

You with this guy for 12 weeks, why were you buying him stuff? You were still very much in the dating phase. It sounds like you over invested in a new relationship and essentially temporarily plugged a pre existing void with this guy.

I’m not saying that you aren’t entitled to feel hurt or that he didn’t behave poorly but casting yourself as the victim in such a relatively short relationship keeps yourself stuck.

The only power this man had was the space you afforded him Use your anger as a catalyst to find out why invested so much of yourself in a short term relationship.