Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

should I stay or should I go

10 replies

Poppy2002 · 12/04/2020 00:28

Have been married 6 years, our marriage is based on compromise from me. I am tired of not living the life I want, I feel trapped. I have two grown up children from my first marriage, my husband died but wasn't a very nice man.
I thought that my current husband wanted to be with me but he doesn't compromise at all. I moved and settled in his home town. I have spent money on our marriage but wasn't the wedding I wanted - would have preferred to spend the money on a holiday but he said he wanted his mum to see him get married.
Then a year after we married I miscarried our baby, it was horrendous. The morning was told nothing could be done he then made me sit in a restaurant with his mentally disabled brother and mum - didn't tell his mum anything. He was useless no support at all. Then said I would like to try again, so sexual contact was withheld by him because he had decided he didn't want a child with me. He never discussed it with me just made that decision, now it's too late. we have no intimacy between us, I feel like his mate. He doesn't understand romance, things like breakfast in bed, soppy note, running a bath just doesn't get it.
He speaks to his mother everyday and his family is important to him but he didn't even buy my daughter a card or gift last year for her birthday. He makes my daughter feel uncomfortable in her own home. I pay my way, rent & utility bills are halved but I am expected to buy all the food even though I earn less.
I just don't feel like I get anything out of the relationship, I support him and have ensured that he does the things he likes such as rugby etc but we don't do anything for us or me. He is really insecure, quite needy and gets jealous easily so if hears me talking to my daughter will intrude and make my daughter feel uncomfortable.
He isn't a bad man but really don't think I can continue with our relationship.
He has no housekeeping skills and doesn't tidy up after himself. He would just sit on the sofa all day and expect me to sort out a meal after a 10 hour shift.
My dream is to buy a house and feel secure, I gave up my own home to move with him. Frustrated because he is really stubborn about the area or travelling to work etc.
So fed up, I think being on my own at least I could do what I want to. Daughter going to university hopefully in October and not sure just him and me is what I want, am I being selfish?

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 12/04/2020 00:31

Get rid of him today op....
No reason I can fathom not to...

madcatladyforever · 12/04/2020 00:31

For goodness sake leave, it sounds awful. You will feel incredibly free as you walk away.
Do the freedon programme so this doesn't happen a third time.

OhamIreally · 12/04/2020 00:32

You are not selfish and even if you were, what's wrong with that? Get out now and live the life you want.

Weenurse · 12/04/2020 00:32

Get out, you are obviously not his priority.

chipsandgin · 12/04/2020 00:35

Fuck yes go. Life is too short to put up with that shit & you’ll be so much happier!

Bedsidetable · 12/04/2020 07:34

If you can't separate now, spend lockdown 'getting your ducks in a row' so as soon as restrictions are lifted you can get out. If this dreadful pandemic has taught us anything it is life is precious - too precious to waste on someone so selfish. Good Luck Flowers

KatherineJaneway · 12/04/2020 07:46

Get out, that's no way to live.

FlowerArranger · 12/04/2020 07:59

What @Bedsidetable said.

And what YOU said... I just don't feel like I get anything out of the relationship!!

Plus, the current situation is detrimental to your daughter who is at a crucial stage of growing up and learning about relationships. You don't want her to get the idea that your current setup is in any way normal.

Just be sure to check out the legal situation, so you don't end up getting shafted, particularly with regard to the equity from your former home.

conduitoffortune · 12/04/2020 08:11

Go! What is the point of him? He brings nothing to the table. Have you got the money put aside from selling your house?

AlwaysCheddar · 12/04/2020 08:37

Leave! It will be 100 times worse when your dd goes to uni.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page