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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Really struggling with his mental health

1 reply

sashastuck · 11/04/2020 15:16

Hi everyone, I hope you're keeping safe and well during this time.

My boyfriend (both 24) of 4 years has recently had to move in with another family member due to issues in his household, which he from the start has been upset about. The reason he hasn't come to live with me is because my flat is tiny (we live in London) and we agreed that until we get our own place together (which we're hoping for next year) he'd try to make it work at his other family member's place. He knows he's welcome here any time if he changes his mind.

Anyway, this week, since the lockdown started, he's been quite distant and down. He never admits when he feels stressed but when you know a person, you can tell by the way they speak on the phone and text. He went missing (virtually, not literally) for 2 days, something he hasn't done in years, and because his mum and I are now quite close she was even calling me to see if I'd heard from him. He hadn't been online any social media in this time either - basically, he has completely isolated himself. Today, he admitted that he's not okay, has deleted social media, hasn't been on his phone, doesn't want to talk to anyone, wants to be left alone for a bit. I guess I can conclude that he is getting depressed.

I've never been in this position before and we're normally a very close couple. I have told him I'll check in every couple of days to check he's okay. Told him I love him and that I'm here to talk, and he acknowledged it. But now, I just don't know where to go from here. How much space do I assume he needs? How long can I expect this to last? Has anyone been in a similar position and can help me please? I feel so helpless and devastated that he's going through this, I don't know what to do with myself or how to help him :(

OP posts:
Menora · 11/04/2020 15:42

I have been stuck in this unfortunately and I think I have sacked off all my dignity entirely now and I don’t know how long it will take to get it back.

I was very understanding about MH issues and need for space etc but it got to the point where I was sending nice things in the post, trying to cheer him up and be kind and mindful and getting literally virtually nothing back at all some days. The stress of managing his stress made me lose weight and feel physically ill. When someone disconnects from you you start losing your trust in them and your own self belief and confidence.
I’m a good one for talking about this but not following my own advice though.
Depends how patient you are. This might be temporary or it might be who he is when he is stressed and can’t cope.

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