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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling with feelings of insecurity around relationship during lockdown

3 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 11/04/2020 09:37

Wondering if others are feeling this: my boyfriend and I had been together just over a year prior to lockdown starting. We've generally been very happy; he's very kind and generous and attentive, and have had a lot of fun.

We don't have together: I have a 9 year-old DD and I always intended to take this extremely slowly so moving in has not yet been seriously discussed, but in any case lockdown happened so quickly we didn't really get a chance to think about how we'd deal with things so obviously we're now physically separated and likely to remain so for the next several weeks minimum.

He's been very attentive and we're in touch multiple times a day, but I am struggling with it nonetheless. He had made every effort to include me in a lot of the virtual social activities he takes part in so I'm invited to a lot of his zoom drinks/pub quizzes etc. But because I'm not with him physically I feel like a bit of a spare part and feel very distanced from him.

I was on one recently with a bunch of his old mates and I felt really insecure: don't know them enough to feel comfortable and because I wasn't physically "there" it was difficult to engage with people so I sort of sat there like a limpet for a while and then made my excuses.

There's nothing in particular that he's done to make me feel insecure and if I'm being honest I'm probably paranoid, but I struggle to feel that closeness and I wonder if our relationship will survive.

Anyone else feeling like this and do they have any coping strategies?

OP posts:
SomewhereNow · 11/04/2020 10:06

Oh god yes and I’m afraid I don’t have an answer. I’m in the same boat, been with DP 18 months but no plans to move in as I’m still going through my divorce and live with teen DD. I miss the closeness with him so much - texts and calls are just not the same - and I really wonder if we’ll get through this. Friends in similar situations are still seeing their DPs and while I know they’re wrong to a part of me wishes he wanted to see me, it’s hard to believe someone loves you when they appear OK about being apart.

Sorry no advice but hang in there x

thepeopleversuswork · 11/04/2020 10:23

Somewhere thanks. Sorry to hear you're also going through this.

Part of the problem is that I'm very reluctant to show this insecurity to him: I've always found relationships thrive on confidence and once you allow your insecurity show the writing is always on the wall. So I've not been able to discuss this with him really. He's also quite a stoical and undemonstrative type and although he can be really loving isn't given to PDAs or declarations of how much he misses me.

I have just focused on the thought that what will be will be and if our relationship can survive this we will be stronger for it but with so little else to do and focus on its hard not to dwell on things.

OP posts:
SomewhereNow · 11/04/2020 11:47

Very much so! Mine is just the same, I know he loves me very much but his way of getting through this is to be practical and just get on with things. That’s fine most of the time, I admire his strength and I’m much the same but sometimes you just need to hear I miss you to stop your insecurities don’t you.

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