Not wanting to live with DP but really enjoy dates

[QuakingQuiche]

We have been together a year and have spent every weekend entirely together all year and a few evenings during the week and have been on holiday together. There’s a 10 year age gap between us (I’m 25, he is 35) He doesn’t like the just dating phase whereas I love it. It keeps the fun exciting dynamic going and we’re all excited by each other. Having 2 or so days between visits have always allowed me to regain the spark and honeymoon phase.

Had to stay with him during lockdown and it’s as dull as I thought it would be, kinda claustrophobic and has taken the excitement out of seeing him. He gets offended by that understandably but it’s not personal.

Am I in the wrong for continuing to want to date for as long as possible rather than create a living together situation? Anyway 1 year together is surely way too early to live together? I really enjoy dating him, more than anyone else but we’re both highly strung people

There is no future in the relationship

I’ve been with my partner 3 1/2 years and I’m in the same situation , we only see each other at weekends and an odd day through the week sometimes, we’re not in lockdown together but I know if we were I’d love it, we’ve spent long periods together and love him being here when he can, I think the fact that you think it’s dull and claustrophobic being with him in lockdown says that this relationship isn’t right.

Yep, this relationship's going nowhere..

Could it be dull because you can't get out and do the things you enjoy doing together? If it's him and the relationship, finish with him and don't string him along if he's wanting to move forward in the relationship.

OP, have say I agree with @Azadewow and @Sadiesnakes.

Though by the sounds of your preferences, I suspect no relationship will be going anywhere long-term, period.

Sound like there is no future. I couldn't wait to live with my partner and being in lockdown with him isnt boring at all. We still have the same fun we had when we met 6 years ago except it's everyday instead of twice a week

Yeh I can’t relate sorry. Seems like you’re on different pages, he wants commitment whereas you want something a bit more casual? So for that reason I can’t see it lasting

I suspect the age difference is a factor but also agree a year is quick to live together usually. It normally takes 2 years to know a person so no need to rush.

I completely understand as dating is fun and why not enjoy it, rather than the drudgery of day to day living. However life under lockdown will be different so not sure you can compare.

Have you learned anything new about him that is putting you off?

Follow your intuition. Maybe have a conversation with him and try to voice yourself.

If it doesn’t work, walk away. Time is on your side.

Yeah this relationships going nowhere. Some people do live happily in seperate homes and stay a couple but its rare and both parties need to be fully on board and he doesnt sound like he is.

Relationships take work long term. They are not always easy.

Are you still isolating with him?

I think you are at 2 different stages of your lives - and that those stages are too different for you to make it work.

You are enjoying your freedom, and the romance that comes with dating. That's totally normal at 25 - lots of 25 year old women wouldn't choose to get stuck in the domestic rut when they could be fancy free.

He is looking to settle down, and at 35 that is completely normal too. He is longing for that cosy domesticity that is 'boring' to you.

However, if he was someone you were really into, then a year would seem to be the perfect time to be moving in. And to be sick of it already, when lockdown is only a temporary thing, is not a good sign.

There's nothing wrong with either of you, or your expectations - but I suspect you are not the right people for each other.

Neither of you is doing it wrong. You’re just unsuited.

At 30+, it’s natural to be thinking of joint mortgage and maybe children etc, so let him find someone who agrees. Let him down gently and return to your own place.

Maybe you are just at different life stages due to 10 years diff, no way should he be offended. Is he making you feel bad? Time to ditch.

Neither of you is wrong, you just don’t want to ‘settle down’ with him and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I first met my husband end of April 2014, we became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 204, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But we knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, so we made sure we were. It was perfect.
I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier.