I've had enough, I love DH and I think that's what makes it so hard but he controls me. I've been at home for the past ten years, we adopted two children and their high needs made it difficult for me to work. DH works away and it's always been easier for me to be around for them, think exclusions, therapy, core groups etc. Over the years in arguments he has said snide jibes to me about not working but then when I suggest going back he didn't think it would work.
A few factors, him being furloughed, my youngest finally doing well in school, the fact that coved has made a lot of jobs available in my profession (ambulance processor and bed manager) and the fact that I am sick of him using money and the fact that he earns s a tool when we row means I have gone back to work this week.
He's not happy, won't come out and say it, but will not do anything that I normally do in the house even though he is furloughed. I eventually said today there's stuff to do in the house you know, well he started if I can't cope then I should give job up etc. I'm not going to, I feel alive for the first time In years. When he didn't get the reaction he normally does which is me begging him to not argue he upped the ante. Turned off what I was watching on tv and put something else on as he pays the bills. Threatened to take the car from me, it's a lease car through his company, it went in and on until he told me that when I got in from my shift tonight I'd be sleeping in the garage on an air bed.
Now of course he hasn't tried to enforce this and I know he wouldn't, it's all designed to make me feel like shit and make me feel that without him I'm nothing and I know this is what he thinks.
Now I'm home he thinks it's all over and we've just had a row, but that's not normal, how could he speak to me like that, he really has zero respect for me whatsoever.
The problem is when he's his normal self I love him and we have a great relationship but I'm starting to realise more and more that we only have this relationship when I'm playing ball. I'm not allowed to critique him any which way, and if he can't win the argument he will bring up things from 20 tears to try and prove his point.
I'm 41, I've lost 4 stone this past year, I've just started getting my life back a bit after years of hell with the kids. I think I've had enough I just don't know how or if to make that call. What if I regret it, what if he does something to try and destroy me, what if it's the worse thing for the kids who already have a shattered attachment.