Relationship issue with lockdown

[Jamesy1x]

Hello everyone hope you're all staying safe.
So before i go into things here are some facts about the relationship. I am 25and girlfriend is 23 , Dont live together but both really want to and we have been together 3.5yrs.

So ill dive right in I have not seen my girlfriend for coming up to 3 weeks due to COVID19 crisis as shes at home with her family and im at my home. So she said at the beginning that she would move into my house for the rest of lockdown if it goes past 3weeks as thats crazily long for any couple never mind when you have been together 3.5yrs.
The other day she then told me that shes not coming now because she doesn't want to be in on her own all day while im at work 4x a week (im a key worker) and that is the main reason shes saying why she wont come so obviously it made me angry and upset as that means i will not see her for months now and that just doesnt seem to bother her like it should.

I understand she may not want to sit in alone while im at work 4x a week but she would only be doing it at home granted she has her family there but still i just think if you love someone truly you would do anything for them , anything to be with them and you would certainly do those things if it meant you would not see them for months if not, thats how i see it maybe im been naive or stupid i dont know but i just feel if you love someone you would not be able to go that long without seeing them and you would go regardless. Like she wont even meet up with me for a walk if we stay 2M apart or meet up in the car which i know you shouldn't do but still.

All in all i just feel in any normal relationship if you love each other you do anything for each other even if she does have to be alone a bit its not all that bad and if you love someone you would do it just to be with them like what person would rather go months without seeing there other half then moving in and been alone a few days a week.
What is your guys opinion because im seriously considering ending the relationship over this as i think if it was other way round id come live with her for the rest of lockdown within a heartbeat regardless because i love her so much, so why cant she do the same for me she clearly does not love me like i do her. It is very weird too because she literally keeps begging for us to get our place together.

Please help people , am i been over top and crazy , has she got a point , would most not come , is it just me? Or is it her who doesnt love me.

You have a bit of an immature idea of what love is, the very concept that you'll do anything for love is silly and quite dangerous, tbh.

You both sound really childish, I’m
sure at home they aren’t all sitting in the same room chatting every day.
How does she think she’ll ever manage living with you? Will you both always work the same hours?

Is it your place?

Do you live on your own?

Have you ever lived there with someone else?

It would be kind of odd been in a house on your own for a few days a week and not been able to leave or invite anyone over..

She might like to have company and this is kind of a situation where no one knows what is going to happen.. Scary to say the least..

If you loved her I’m sure you can wait as this won’t last forever..

Respect her decision. You sound very immature. I'm in a relationship and haven't seen my OH either and we are adhering to the guidelines whether that takes months etc.

Facetime is a wonderful thing.

You should respect her decision, lockdown isn't going to last forever.

If you're a keyworker it sounds like she's safer staying where she is with her family.

Do you want what's best for her?

If you're a keyworker it sounds like she's safer staying where she is with her family.

And this!

Thanks for all your replys I appreciate them and will take it all into consideration...I agree i come across immature as I am still young and she is my second only proper girlfriend. And no I don't live on my own I live with 1 parent

You sound about twelve. Even leaving aside the fact that the rules specify she not mix households, and that if you’re a key worker she’s far safer staying where she is, you get that being in lockdown creates a lot of stress for even stable, happy, long-established couples? It would be a deeply stupid reason to suddenly start living together. There’s a reason you haven’t started living together before now. Why would that suddenly change?

Try and ride it out if anything it'll either make you or break you and stay safe!

You are not being reasonable. She probably prefers to stay with her family rather than sitting in your mum's house with your mum while you are working four days a week.

Don't make any rash decisions about breaking up with her right now. You and your girlfriend have never lived through a pandemic before. Be patient, maybe the lockdown will be over by the end of May.

Remember, also, that her family may be putting pressure on her to stay in the household, out of concern for her health.

I’ve Been with my partner 3 1/2 years also, I’m not working and at home which I am completely fine with and he is working as he is a key worker and he is at his home, I don’t want him here because he is still working with other people , we’ve not seen each other for three weeks and we’re not seeing each other until this is over, I would never put pressure on him to come and isolate with me and he wouldn’t me and if either of us asked we wouldn’t be offended if the other said no , so I don’t think you should be , she said she wants to live with you so just bear with it is my advice

OP, my boyfriend and I are in the same position. It is really hard but lockdown will finish. I would imagine her family are advising her to stay at the family home and logically you know it makes sense. You are a key worker going out everyday. It is safer is she stays at her house and you stay at yours. Just keep talking on the phone etc and you will get through this.

You say if you love someone you’d do anything for them and then only applying that to her. Eg if she loves you she should sit in all day alone, waiting for you. But if you love her then you should want her to stay home to protect her health, especially as you’re a key worker. If you love her you would want her to stay home where she has company etc.

You can have ‘dates’ on FaceTime/Skype.

You've contradicted yourself a little bit... you said she should do anything for love, well that works both ways. She could say if you truly loved her you'd allow her to stay in her family home so she wasn't alone.

I understand your a KW but being totally on your own for 4x a week in a home that's not your own is a lot to ask of someone! My mum asked us all to isolate in her house and even though it was my family home I declined because I'm much more comfortable in my own home.

I don't think you've any room to be annoyed at her. I get that you miss her but there are thousands of people in the world missing family members and friends so you aren't alone. Do what everyone else is doing and just ring or FaceTime.

It's hard enough staying at home with your own things but to do it somewhere where you're a guest is really hard.
You need to stop thinking about what you want over what is best over all.

It sounds like you dont love her very much because you dont respect her or want to keep her safe and comfortable. She is currently safe with her family. Instead you want her to take every opportunity to break and stretch lockdown rules, to mix households and come live with you despite you being a key worker who is still going out to work, and to then spend 4 days a week at home with your parent whilst you work. Do you truly love her or just want an ideal of what you think a relationship should be?

Yes you are being immature OP. She sounds like the sensible one.

Why should she risk her health moving to your house (especially given the government guidance against this)?

Seriously, FaceTime like other couples until this is over.

Man up

She's not supposed to be moving in now anyway
Keep using facetime, keep talking, it isn't forever.
Absence makes a heart grow fonder op

So she would be alone all day with your relative, in their home?

She'd be mad to even contemplate it.

25 isn't 'young' by the way OP.

You say you're 'still young' like that's an excuse for something. You're 25 years old, hardly a child. You think you're the only couple on this situation?

You say if you love someone you should do anything for them. Does that only apply to your girlfriend and not you? You don't think that loving someone means that you want the best for that person and to keep them safe? Your girlfriend is safe right now with her family. You want her to come and stay with you, a keyworker, who could potentially bring this awful virus home with you and give it to her. You are only thinking about yourself, not your girlfriend at all. You'd rather she sat in your home all day, on her own, with the risk of illness from you than remain safe at home with her family. What does that really say how you view your girlfriend Jamesy1x? It doesn't sound like you love her at all. I think that's absolutely awful.

She sounds very sensible sticking to the lockdown, you should respect that she's doing the right thing.

but still i just think if you love someone truly you would do anything for them

What, you mean like repsecting their wishes to live where they choose to..?

My son is a similar age to you and his girlfriend is a couple of years younger. They've been together for 18 months. They're very committed to each other.

They talk on the phone and Skype daily; there has been no talk or expectation from either of them that they will meet up for a walk or a drive; no expectation that one would love in with the other, thereby depriving them of the practical and emotional support of, or contact with, their respective families.

Your girlfriend is following the rules that apply to every single one of us and there are many people who are separated from their families and partners through necessity/choice at this time who would prefer this not to be the case.

This is all about you and what you want and your (rather sexist) belief that because she is your girlfriend, she should do as you wish.

I'd back off on this or you might find you don't have a girlfriend at all at the end of this.

It is not obvious that you would get angry and upset. If she were my daughter I would be happy she was keeping herself safe, observing guidelines and not living with a grown man who gets angry if he doesn't get his own way. Big Red Flag.

If you truly loved her, her safety, happiness and welfare would trump your own. Every time. I hope she reconsiders her relationship with you or you rapidly improve your behaviour and ingrained sense of entitlement.