Relationships how much hard work is normal to say its healthy

[Sage4321]

Relationships does everyone wake up really feeling happy?

I’m in a relationship that is most of the time miserable. Is this due to having the demands of 4 children? He says..

Not been able to enjoy life as much as we can as a couple? But then I feel he’s probably the last person I want to spend time with..!

Due to his working lifestyle, away for weeks then home for weeks and around me 24 hours a day.

If he does not get his own way with me (sex) then he it nasty towards me.. puts me down.. in front of our children..

He has no hobbies, no friends that he wants to be with, he does nothing apart from want to be with me ! Or sit on the settie with tv on and phone in his hand..

He happy doing nothing and having no plan for his or our future..

It’s always me who suggest we go here or do this in house.. which then ends up in an argument.. because is was me that wanted to do it..

It’s tit for tat all the time and he has no time to listen to me or my ideas..

He does not want to better himself as he feels he’s already good enough and happy plodding on..

I feel like I’m missing out on happiness and I know everything in life is hard and you have to work at what you want but how much is normal to say it’s a happy relationship and one worth staying in ??

It doesn't sound like you're well suited and this If he does not get his own way with me (sex) then he it nasty towards me.. puts me down.. in front of our children.. is unacceptable.

He has a high sex drive and I don’t.. it’s took me many many years for him to stop asking me over and over again for it..

He can be quick to throw his nasty words without thinking first..

I love to do things in life and research on how to be better.. at things from schools to educating yourself on anything in life..

If I want to discuss my thoughts with him on what I have read or how I think this would suit us., then he cannot be bothered.. he would listen in exchange for something he wanted though but not really have an interest in my feelings or thoughts etc.

I would definitely say I’m tolerating him just to get by everyday.. but this makes me sad..

He is a funny man but a very cheeky one and sometimes or should I say almost all the time goes to far.. but to him he’s ok..

Yes I think your probably right we are just to different people who want different things..

I just feel sad for my 4 children..

You saying he is the last person you would want to spend time with I think shows exactly how you feel. Also can see why you would not want to when he is nasty and puts you down. Are there any good bits? Relationships should not be that hard all the time.

It is sad, I've been through the same and almost a year ago separated from my husband, and it is hard on the kids. But hand on heart it was the right decision. I was going mad in that marriage.

Sage

Its not you, its him. You are with Mr Wrong.

Your H comes across as both a plodder and abusive towards you (and in turn your kids) and your children perhaps wonder why you and he are still together. It is not wrong either to want more for yourself in life; this man is a joyless fun sponge who wants to drag you and his kids down with him and remain in his pit.

What are you getting out of this?. This is no happy or emotionally healthy relationship model you are showing them and you sound ground down by him (which is where he wanted you in the first place).
I would urge you to use your energies further to firm up plans to leave this man.

Good bits let me think..

He makes me a cuppa on the morning..

If I ask him to take children to school he will but otherwise would not really think of it himself..

He will do all the DIY in the house but more because he wants too or I have nagged him to..

He is good in the bedroom department.. well he was excellent but over time due to his behaviour I have slowly gone off if more and more.. to the point he will point out how many weeks he haven’t had it for..

There has never been a time apart from when we first got together as to having good bits..

The only reason i think we stayed together is because he was good in bedroom and he worked away from home.. And he’s a good provider..

I’m honestly struggling.... good times... I probably enjoy it more when he’s not here..

He knows how I feel but says he’s sick of hearing it and if I don’t want to be with him anymore then I should move out..

I’m going out for my one hour exercise with my children..

Enjoy some fresh air and hopefully find some rocks to paint on our walk out..

I just want to bury my head and pretend this isn’t as bad as it is and carry on thinking it will be ok..

But deep down I know the truth and I just need to act on it..

We have tried counselling 4 years ago but things just carried on as normal..

Oh he does like to go away on his birthday but just the 2 of us but all he wants to do nothing apart from eat and have sex..

Ok I’m off out for my walk need to forget this for day and come back to it tomorrow..

Nighttimefreedom
What happened in your relationship, you say you were in the same situation a year ago??

Did you leave him??

If you're not having sex for weeks and he has a high sex drive it will never work.
And if you're so resentful of him, you're never going to feel like it.
That was the one area of my marriage that I couldn't fake it in.
You need to seriously consider ending things. Do you have options?