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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I can't cope with dp when I'm working from home

28 replies

SecondWitch · 09/04/2020 16:43

our house is tiny. I woth normally every day. I have both my dcs home from university (it's a 2 up 2 down).

I'm a senior director and board member at work. Dp runs his own business and I now realise does the square root of fuck all during the day (that's for another thread)

I have sat downstairs today as it's either here or on my bed and I needed to do a video call. We have a big open plan lounge/kitchen downstairs.

I just had a call with my boss and one other board member where dp kept intervening on the call Blush. My boss mentioned growing things in the garden and dp shouted 'we have no space left in ours either' and when my boss told a joke, dp laughed louder than I have ever heard him laugh Hmm

I've just told him it's inappropriate. Everyone on the call went quiet when he started contributing. I was trying to swipe my arm on the video call to indicate telling him to piss off out of the room but he totally did not read the situation so kept banging around in the fridge/kitchen.

honestly, another few weeks of this and there may be a murder. I think dp is absolutely bored out of his mind. His business is failing (it's linked to hospitality) and it was doing badly anyway. He's signed up for the NHS volunteer thing and not heard back. ARGH!

OP posts:
GaaaaarlicBread · 09/04/2020 16:45

Oh dear ! Can’t you give him a list of jobs to do round the house whilst you’re working (not hoovering if you’re on call obviously)

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2020 16:48

Is he always such a clueless twat? I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he can't fuck of when you're on calls, he needs to leave. This level of disrespect is shocking. Who owns the house?

Original poster
SecondWitch · 09/04/2020 16:55

no, that's the weird thing, he's far from a clueless twat. I think he is overly stressed by his business thing and bored out of his mind!

I've told him to go for a walk - i think he's got cabin fever if there's such a thing!

OP posts:
LemonTT · 09/04/2020 16:58

This is happening across the board. Most people are tolerant and I think your colleagues would be too. They didn’t need the shooing away performance.

Get ear phones and discuss sharing space in a practical way. Everyone is having to make do and deal with this sort of thing. Getting uptight will be painful for you as much as him.

At least he didn’t walk through starkers or something. There are few tales of people catching sight of spouses in the background wearing not a lot.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/04/2020 16:59

I’ve got a space, a patio and a ready alibi. What an embarrassment.

justilou1 · 09/04/2020 17:00

You need to start returning the favour when he’s having work calls. Maybe start walking around half dressed or farting or something. What a twat.

Elieza · 09/04/2020 17:03

Earphones and then he won’t hear what’s being said and therefore won’t be able to contribute.

You could tell him that it’s not company policy to include family members on the call and you are concerned HR may get you into trouble so please dont do it again.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/04/2020 17:05

Oh OP, I’m cringing for you. He’s behaving like an attention seeking child.

No doubt someone will soon be along to make excuses for him, so you’d best get out your bingo card.
Examples
Are you giving him enough attention?
Why can’t you use your bedroom?
It’s his space too?
Poor fella is under stress, can’t you be more understanding?
You’re taking it too seriously, he’s only trying to join in the banter.
Bla bla bla.

The only thing I’d be planting in the garden is him. 🙄

ParisInTheSpringtime · 09/04/2020 17:05

Use headphones.

Galwaygirl · 09/04/2020 17:08

I have just done a conference call and my 3 children waving in the window looking for easter eggs, tried to tell them to be quiet but they kept waving the eggs, mortified when my boss asked me did I need to leave the call

onetwothreeadventure · 09/04/2020 17:13

Were you not able to mute your mic and ask him to leave?

I'm sure your colleagues will forget about it quickly, most are very understanding at the moment.

Thatbitchcarolebaskin · 09/04/2020 17:27

I would have been so embarrassed. Maybe next time ask to be excused for a few minutes, then the camera and mic off and tell him to fuck off.

And wear ear phones!

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 09/04/2020 17:41

A functioning adult should know damn well its inappropriate to intervene on their partner's work calls. Without being told.

Is this typical of him? Is he usually pretty clueless about acceptable grown-up behaviour?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 09/04/2020 17:42

my 3 children waving in the window looking for easter eggs

Children doing this is understandable. Not an adult.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 09/04/2020 17:46

This is happening across the board. Most people are tolerant and I think your colleagues would be too. They didn’t need the shooing away performance.

No, this really isn't happening across the board!

I have seen people WFH be interrupted by children and pets, yes, but not grown adults. There is a big difference!

Aerial2020 · 09/04/2020 17:49

I don't know your relationship but could he bit a little resentful that you are working and his business is failing?
Is it a gender thing that yours is not as important (as you're a woman) so doesn't cross his mind not to interrupt?

Aerial2020 · 09/04/2020 17:51

Trying to wonder why a grown man would do that. Like he is seeing it as you're chatting with mates online and he can join in? But you're not, you're trying to be professional in these difficult wfh times

Frouby · 09/04/2020 17:51

I could in theory wfh atm. But refuse to do so because dh is an absolute twat. He's very interested in my work and would want to hang over my shoulder watching and irratate the fuck out of me.

Have been decorating instead. He's not interested in decorating and terrified of being given something to do so has stayed out of my way thank fuck.

CodenameVillanelle · 09/04/2020 17:54

This is extraordinarily inappropriate. What's wrong with him??

FinallyHere · 09/04/2020 17:55

Headphones.

Really, get headphones. The sound is much better for everyone on the call, much less noise on the line.

M0mmyneedswine · 09/04/2020 18:11

I would never take a work call without headphones for this reason

RhubarbTea · 09/04/2020 18:11

This would give me the rage. Even reading your post has given me the rage.

He is obviously dealing with stress badly. My feeling from your post is that he is quite lonely. Does he have any friends to chat to online? What does he normally do all the time?

BackseatCookers · 09/04/2020 18:17

What did he say when you told him how inappropriate it is and how you're worried it looks unprofessional (I wouldn't think you were but I'd think your husband was a twat and cringe a bit!)? Did he get it? If not he needs ground rules for when you're working which is ridiculous I know but get the issue sorted if he sticks to them. This is a him problem though not a you problem!

FinallyHere · 09/04/2020 18:55

For the record, I have never seen anyone's partner try to join in a work teleconference. Maybe a quick apology if toddlers make an unscheduled appearance, even that interaction would be with the person in the room, who can pass it on.

RantyAnty · 09/04/2020 19:53

Noise cancelling headphones
Bose, Sony, Sennheiser

No excuse at all to try to chime in on your business call. Very disrespectful.
His trying to sound important, just made him look like a twat.

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