Fucking engagements and being lonely

[Palmtree76]

Locked down on my own. Recently split from long term partner after 15 years together. No kids.

I’ve seen three engagements in the last few days and I feel so lonely. Tried to focus on OLD but getting zero matches on Tinder and of the few I have matched with on Bumble I’ve messaged and had no response. One even unmatched with me....!!

Just feeling lonely and shit. 34 and feel like my life is passing me by. I want a marriage and kids and to be happy. Please share your positive OLD stories and stories of meting new people after breakdown of LTR and help me get out of this pathetic funk.

Sorry you are low. You are still young op so don't worry and rush things

How recently did you split up? 15 years is a loooong time, I'd definitely take quite a long breather before jumping back into dating if I were you. Trying to date when you're lonely, broody, and on the rebound is a recipe for disaster!

I’m in the same boat but I’ve been single for years. I hate all the fucking engagement announcements. I’m literally the last one left.

I’m never lonely spent the best part of the last six years alone and sometimes never speaking or seeing anyone at the weekends. I don’t need anyone. I’m content alone. I however have totally changed my life and now live with others which I thought would be horrific but I still get time alone. I’ve never had any aspirations to be married, I actually pity most couples as you lose your identity when your in a living long term relationship. People lose who they are and forget that they are individuals. I couldn’t think of anything worse than having a partner

I met my Dh on Tinder - I was 43 he was 37 . We've been together 5.5 years and married nearly 3. We had a first date that turned rampant and we've been together ever since! So please don't feel defeated. Before I met DH I had been dumped unceremoniously by my ex of four years, who popped my key back through my letter box with a goodbye and good luck message out of the blue - and never answered a call or text from me again. Before that married for 10 years to DD's father. After getting dumped I just went on Tinder for a self esteem boost -but after a few days found DH who is nicer/better looking/more intelligent/lots better in bed than ex! At 34 you are still a little whippersnapper! Spend lockdown just chatting for practice so that when we are let out and you can date you're ready and raring to go! Good luck!!

Just to add - when my relationship first started...most of MN relationship board pooh poohed it and said it wouldn't last - well it has MOFO's!!! :D

Palmtree, I do sympathise. I was married for 18 years and with XH for longer. Last summer, I went to two weddings within ten days. Whilst I was genuinely happy for both couples, by the end of the second one I was well fed up with celebrating other people's love

Sorry if this sounds really negative OP, but remind yourself that many of these engagements will turn into boring / shitty marriages, and many will end in upsetting and financially damaging breakdown. I'm not saying that they ALL will, but it's a significant statistical probability. Have you seen all the threads on here about how horrible people's DP's are to them / how miserable they are? Unsurprisingly, you are seeing that whole world through rose tinted glasses. The grass is not always greener. I know this doesn't help you a lot, but felt it might be worth trying to put that perspective on it. 34 is still young too.

Being in a relationship seriously isn’t all that. Dh and I havnt spoke for a week and half. Can’t stand the sight of him.

I’d love to be in my own place right now

I'm with you OP. I'm 36 and divorced, after 15 years too.I feel I became single at the wrong time too. I counted on friendship and a new lease on life being single but all my friends my age have one by one graced my newsfeed with engagements and as much as I love them, I'm fed up of it. Fed up of photos of proposals in Fiji, a year backpacking across America with a random they met on Tinder that turned out to be their ideal match and best decision they've ever made!

They all met their partners online, and all within one or two swipes! I just don't get it. Makes me feel extra lonely, a little envious if I'm honest and extremely confused as to how I'm doing this OLD wrong.

I'm really feeling it during Lockdown too. I'm getting older and it is frustrating but I will tell you something that I would tell my closest friend if she was going through the same thing ( I find it sometimes helps if you reword or frame a problem)

Waiting 3, 4, 5 years for your forever person (if thats what you're looking for) in the grand scheme of things really is not that long.
Chances are and the probabilities are that you'll meet someone, and even if you met him 14-15 years from now, which is a very long time, you'll still have 30 plus years of a potentially beautiful relationship that makes everything before that a distant and small memory.

Trust the timing.

As I said, these are things I would be saying to my friends and I do my best to remind myself of it but we are human, and I do find it really hard to take my own advice.

I met my partner on match.com. I feel very lucky and effectively I think we were both in the same head space - we were looking for a partner, not a fling.

@welshladywhois40
Were you on Match for long when you met your partner?

Please tell me you nearly gave up online and then at the last minute you found eachother? I’d love some hope! 😊

I’ve had the worst luck on there: two years in and off, no one within my radius or age group reached out. They were all 15 plus years older than me and lived very far.

I actually had one date with one guy within my age group: I actually wrote a thread about my concerns that day- clear signs of a narcissist who kept his wedding ring on.

That’s it 😂

Same here- 34 divorced have a beautiful son but would like a decent man

I was divorced at about 28...spent a number of years single, did OLD on and off and eventually met my DH when I was 33. Not OLD but on-line related to a shared interest. We now have 3 DC.

From that time of being single, worried about ever meeting someone, having a family etc, what I would say is...live your life, find your own routines, have weekend activities and routines for when your peers are busy with partners and families (I did the gym, then cinema, most Sundays). Try OLD but know that it’s a numbers game, but also use your other on line activity to get to know people with common interests. Keep an open mind and keep communicating with new people in new ways. It’s hard when you’ve finished with education, settled at work etc...but nothing will change if you just speak to the same 10-15 people day in day out.

I met my DH on line 14 years ago aged 37 after a 13 year relationship ended and we got married when I was 39 and have 3 children together so there is absolutely every chance of you meeting someone. Maybe the paid-for sites might be better?

Bumble is basically a ego massage for men. I think I’m fairly funny and quick witted but all my Bumble messages have been ignored. The ONE match I did have who I got on well with went on a first date was like a horny teenager, final straw was he grabbed my hand before we left and brushed his erection 😷 again, am no prude but that was a bit like WTF.

Match is ok- but I’ve not found anyone who I think is attractive or interesting or who I’ve wanted to connect with. It’s so hard.

I sympathise with everyone in lockdown alone or in lockdown with someone they don’t want to be. It’s so hard, I just want to know that eventually I’ll meet someone. I’ve never been married or have kids and that’s what I want.

I felt like you, @Palmtree76. LIke I was literally the last one standing for such a long time. Thought there must be someone wrong with me. Anyway, I did meet my partner out of the blue at 34 and 3 years later got engaged. It's quite recent and I'm still struggling to believe that can actually happen to me if I'm honest! Anyway, I'm not saying it to be another engaged person that winds you up, but just to give you some encouragement. Where you are and how you feel now is not where you'll end up.

I feel very, very similar to you at 33, OP.

Just wanted to say after 15 years of being in a relationship lockdown might be a good time to take stock and have a bit of time out. You can't meet anyone who you chat with OLD and I am finding matches fizzle out or become boring, or they start looking for sex chat which I have decided I don't do before meeting!

I think most people online are really half arsed about it at the minute so don't let this slump get you down, it's not you, it is just bad timing. Once people are able to get out and meet again, I'm hoping things pick up so it might be worth waiting and revisiting OLD then.