You think you know someone...

[mycatsmellsbad]

apologies this may be a bit garbled but my head is all over the place now.

Been with dp over 6 years, 2 children, very happy great at parenting together I.e same values etc. Was never concerned about us being in lockdown together but his behaviour the last few days has been a bit odd.

A few days ago he started talking about a couple of conspiracy theories relating to Coronavirus and I kind of agreed they didn’t sound great but thought he was over egging it and put it down to one too many beers.

The next night it continues, goes into more detail, wanting to show me links (I’m really not interested).

He’s furious about it. Asking me how I feel about it (I don’t tend to get wrapped up in things I either don’t know for certain, don’t understand, or can’t control) so it got a bit heated. He didn’t seem to like that I wasn’t taking him seriously.

Apparently he’s struggling a bit at the moment with everything going on and felt it was good to share these thoughts with me. He added that he was very worried about things like his job and family etc which I understand of course but it also pissed me off because it implies I’m not worried about anything - I am I just hide my feelings pretty well and was brought up to laugh at things/ look on the bright side etc. When I said I’m worried about things too, instead of saying’ oh really let’s talk about that’ instead he accused me of not being as worried as him!

He went to bed in a huff and I’m just sat here wondering who the hell I’m living with. There were other theories that he’s always believed in apparently which I had no idea about - If I had I would have run a mile!

How much of a deal do I make of this - I felt almost scared tonight and I don’t want him putting these thoughts in our children’s heads when they’re older.

He’s been his normal self during the day when we’ve got the children and it’s been great. It just seems to be when he’s got some time to think in the evenings now I’m starting to dread them a bit.

If you look at Dr Todd Grandes video on the David Icke CV conspiracy theory, he pulls it apart in a very intelligent way. Watch the video on YouTube and then maybe show it to him. If it is to do with Icke!

Dr Grande does say that for some people they take comfort in conspiracy theories as real life is too difficult to face.

Your DP may just be having a really difficult time dealing with what is going on!

I am interested in Conspiracy theories and Richard d Hall has made some very strong theories onYoutube, and his theories have freaked me out!

Sorry I can’t do links... techno phone!

But we have to have a healthy balance.

If this is a dealbreaker for you, maybe you should start getting your ducks in a row.

Stay safe and stay strong.

I have lost it over the past couple of days OP.

You know your DP. You know if his recent behaviour confirms your suspicions or is out of character after 6 years.

It can be a sign of mental health issues op. Has he a history of depression?

At least he's not a flat earther😆

I agree, keep an eye on his changes of character/mental health. Is he drinking a lot?
This sounds almost like paranoia.

Does he smoke weed and/or drink a lot?

He did a lot of drugs when he was younger, nothing now but he probably drinks a bit more than he should.

It’s out of character but then he says he’s always believed the government is out to get us and all that new world order stuff. I guess he’s just never expressed it to me but the new situation we are in is bringing it all out. Joy.

Sadly Op you can't unopen the bottle. Google Conspiracy Theorists, they mainly share certain personality traits and they are not good ones drugs and drink won't help though.

CT's usually have a number of "quirks" that include a tendency to be relatively untrusting, ideologically eccentric, lack of evaluation consistency and pragmatism and prone to having unusual perceptual experiences. They tend have a disbelief in conventional wisdom in favour of a kind of secret, malevolent, “real story” that’s being hidden from the public through some cover-up.There is often a narcissistic belief that they know better than the general population.

One last point, schizophrenic characteristics are good predictors of CT's. Good luck Op.

A couple of my friends have gone down this route too. I actually thought they were joking when they started sending me links especially the one about 5G being responsible for the virus. I had other links about dark web stuff, Chinese governments, all sorts. I do not believe any of it but had to handle these out of character traits from my usually normal friends. These things have all subsided with them now and honestly think that it was a reaction to the most stressful of situations and it was their way of trying to make sense of it all. I, on the other hand, although stressed, will try and calm myself with breathing exercises, failing that I pour a G and T. Furloughed of West Sussex.

Oh don’t get me started on the 5g stuff. That and bill gates creating the virus so we can be given a vaccine next year on the proviso we accept a microchip at the same time. ‘Are you happy that our children are going to be given that, are you’!

This morning he’s back to his lovely self getting breakfast ready and pottering around playing games with the boys etc. I’m at a loss for words.

I'd be inclined to stop buying alcohol for the duration. Maybe put some serious thought- as a family- into relaxation strategies.

I don't think in a situation like this that we can just assume everyone is ok, we need to actually work at it.

Blimey, the Bill Gates one is off the scale! Glad he’s acting a little more in character today x

It's not Bill Gates, it's the ruling order of alien shape shifting lizards, that want to cull old people.

I would try having a chat with him about it during the day, when he's being 'normal' and see whether he sounds a bit more rational about it then. If he does that might give you a way to calm him down if he starts up again later, you could remind him of the more sensible stuff he's said during the day. If not I think I'd be inclined to tell him his theories are upsetting you (you don't have to specify whether that's because you think they're bonkers or whether you actually believe them too but find the ideas too much to deal with) and then just remind him they're upsetting you every time he mentions them in the hope it shuts him up.

I have a friend who believes in the G5 Coronavirus conspiracy theory and Agenda 21 which is about a deliberate international conspiracy to attempt to reduce world population. I’m really disappointed in him as I usually respect his opinions. I’ve told him that he is basically as bad as the biblical weirdos who think we will all have the mark of the beast as a barcode etc but he doesn’t see it. He thinks that we will be given a vaccine with a chip in it to treat the virus. I’m aware that this technology exists but I dont believe in the conspiracy element. Ie my ex boss had a chip implanted with all of his data so he could be located on gps and his body identified if he got lost while mountaineering. And you can swallow chips but I don’t believe in nanobots in vaccines bs.
I also have a friend of my sisters sending her emails about how all left wing celebrities are pedohiles , coronavirus is a cover story 👀and Trump is going to save the world.
I mean it doesn’t take too much intellectual capacity to see that Trump followers are jumping on conspiracies that they can circulate to his followers to cover up his incompetence but I’m disgusted that this woman who has a law degree and a psychology degree is sending her this utter rubbish. Yes she smokes a lot of weed and lives in Ibiza so that might explain why she thinks it’s in any way acceptable, but WTF.

The latest one I’ve herd is one where it’s being suggested that this is a ploy by all governments to get us off the streets because an alien invasion is imminent. .

Sorry but I would just have to laugh at that kind of crap, and if that provoked an angry outburst I would be re-assessing my position in the relationship.

The Bill Gates conspiracy theory is designed to discredit him as he was warning of this virus for years and was working with governments and NGOs to prevent it. He was part of a presentation at DAVOS in 2019 where they ran a pandemic simulation to try and get govts to prepare.
I do believe that certain conspiracies are circulated as disinformation campaigns to discredit people, muddy the waters and pollute genuine information with obvious nonsense about lizards etc in order to discredit genuine info about govts misconduct.
The US is pre election atm so I would expect that they would be churning out this nonsense.
So a billionaire philanthropist who has been working with charities and international health orgs and scientists for years and warned of this scenario becomes a meme demon and Trump who disregards science and withholds essential medical supplies from Democratic states is now a hero? Right.

As a lot of the time it is men - perhaps they have too much time on their hands for this and not enough for helping out with the household chores/kids.

That's my conspiracy theory anyway!!!

I'm with Deathray.

Your DP sounds rudderless and paranoid. The booze does him no good. If your DP believes pigs fly and is a nice person, great. But if he's bullying you into buying into his beliefs, it becomes intolerable. I think you need to tell him this.

The worst thing is he doesn’t even have a decent argument - he’s not a stupid man but you can tell he’s just reeling off one liners from articles or sound bites from online friends. He doesn’t really understand the full theory - I don’t but I only had to ask a couple of probing questions to realise he doesn’t know the answers. It’s the equivalent of my mum getting her ‘news’ from the daily mail.

I’m massively avoiding him today might have to pretend to work this evening just to avoid another conversation.

That and bill gates creating the virus so we can be given a vaccine next year on the proviso we accept a microchip at the same time. ‘Are you happy that our children are going to be given that, are you’

Ohmagerrd, that is bad OP.

It’s the equivalent of my mum getting her ‘news’ from the daily mail

The mail is far more evidence based than this stuff. They debunk stuff like this because they have common sense, when it comes to these issues at least. So it's far worse than that.

A lot of these theories are also antisemitic and blame Jews for everything. I googled Bill Gates on the off chance for instance, and as I guessed he is Jewish.

I know someone who was like this. Did loads of drink and drugs that left him with paranoid hangovers and these websites then feed that paranoia. So the whole situation is exacerbated.

The CT stuff is also a compulsion and addiction. It ramps up and gets v dark - and there are more and more resources online to feed the addiction and stoke the paranoia.

People can get v agitated, obsessive and violent with it.

You need to see this as a MH issue that needs managing. Don’t engage in any of the content - it’s the same old themes that have literally been around for centuries but wrapped up with current prominent names.

Is he drinking more on lockdown?

This will impact your DCs if this preoccupies him and he becomes agitated and not emotionally present for them.

As PP has said no point going head to head with him on the content but manage his anxiety and paranoia indirectly by cutting out the booze and getting the whole family involved in calming pursuits and away from toxic content on screens.

Have a read of David Icke on wiki (NOT his website) and you will see all the nonsense and how he has “professionalised” CT.

Because this time next year you might well be battling your OH preventing you DCs having a life saving vaccine.

We spoke tonight. Long story short he said everything’s got on top of him, aside from the conspiracy theories he’s worried sick about what might happen to us. He admitted he is drinking more than usual and last night he was gunning for an argument.

I said I’m happy to talk to him at any time about worries he has about his job or family etc, but that when it came to the oddball stuff I’m probably not the best person to speak to as I won’t say what he wants to hear. He agreed.

He said he felt better today as he spent less time on his phone/fucking Facebook (which has increased massively recently and where he’s getting his crap info from) and has unfollowed some friends who were particularly bad at sharing ‘news’.

I said he needs to find another way of coping then reaching for the booze which only makes things worse so will see where that gets us. He still believes in all the crap but at least now maybe I won’t have to hear about it. But time will tell. I certainly have my guard up now.

Oh and I will read that David Icke stuff and get myself a bit more clues up so I’m more prepared for any future discussions!