What do i do?

[basicwitches]

Okay so i know what i SHOULD do but i'm finding it hard. When me and my partner first got together i found out about a massive debt 15k and he was a gambling addict. Gambling has stopped i'm 99% sure but obviously can never believe it fully can you i got pregnant early on and decided to keep the baby and he promised to work his debt down, pay stuff off and stop avoiding the letters, before she arrived he got it down to 3k and everything was on payment plans, i genuinely thought i'd made the right decisions.
But here we are now living together. recently i noticed a lot of letters through from the same company, i asked him what it was about he made some plausable excuse and i then asked him about any debts/anything he couldnt pay, if its about the house we'll sort it together and all that. He looked me in the eyes and said there was nothing wrong and wverything was ok so i left it, queue another 2 letters. I opened them and it was 1k in arrears for something house related.
So after being lied to i ended up going through his mail and found ANOTHER 2k loan, 3 credit cards i didnt know about which had been maxed out, he got home that night we had a big discussion, lots of tears from him and promises that he will get this sorted, make payment plans again. I was obvioualy incredibly annoyed as it's not a position i expected him to put us in. He promised me that was it and the last time he was going to do it and he'd speak to me about it. Looked through mail today and another loan for £100 was applied for yesterday. (Btw he said he's happy for me to open mail)
How many times can he just lie to my face? Why am i still accepting it???? What sort of man can get so far into debt that it states people will come to the house when HIS daughter is there??? It doesnt help all my family and friends are an hour+ away and i moved job/life to be here with him. All i've done is put myself in a vunerable position as i'm still on maternity. I don't even know why i'm posting this? I just need some advice and please please no bashing, i get i was stupid but i genuinely believed this wouldn't happen and it has.

Ah sorry thats long

Walk away! Seriously.

Someone this dishonest won’t change. You’re living with an addict and his first priority will always be gambling. Don’t put yourself or your daughter through years of stress and anxiety over this. Walk away and choose a better life.

I know i need to. Half of me doesn't want to split our family up but fucking hell i am not the one who has screwed up and continuously lied, so why do i feel bad? I need to get a grip

It’s him who’s split the family up and don’t forget that. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling responsible for him or trying to keep the family together. It won’t work with someone who’s prepared to do this to you. Truly...from experience, he will only drag you down with him.

Thank you @itswonkylampshade i really needed to hear that

You know what you need to do.

If you stay, this will be your life, policing him, trying to help him (when really he doesn't want to be helped), struggling, never having any security, not being able to trust him.

You made a mistake. Don't compound it by making more of the same one, know when to quit.

Is it your house or rented?

I would sell up/give notice and move back to your home town, where uou jabw support

He won't change unless he gets proper professional help and even then he will have to put in effort

another loan for £100 was applied for yesterday

This suggests that he has reached rock bottom. Normal lenders don't arrange loans for such tiny amounts, so he must have gone to one of the seedy fuckers that share gazillions of interest.

Financial abuse is not far behind physical and emotional abuse in terms of the havoc it inflicts on people's lives.

This won't get better. He is addicted to spending money he hasn't got. He won't change.

CHARGE..... not share...

He's no good.

If he's that shit with money and not dealing with problems head on then leave. That's before the lying.

What next, a letter to say you're losing the house?

Rented house which i've already had to take the payments into my name as he was paying it a few days late. I've been looking for houses back home for the past month anyway so i know exactly what i really want!
Yeah a loan of £100 really is pathetic isn't it, its 1000%+ apr, he really is just a joke!

My older daughter’s Dad was a drug addict. I discovered in degrees what he was up to - painkiller addiction which led, ultimately, to heroin. Hard to believe he could do this secretly but he managed, while holding down a job. I always knew he was lying to me and felt on unstable ground for a long time but he told me I was irrational and mad. He played every trick in the book in terms of the responsibility to keep our family together being laid squarely on my shoulders.

It’ll be the best relief you ever felt to just walk away. Honestly - choose life...don’t choose to be a slave to someone else’s demon. He will finish you if you stay.

You might want to make absolutely sure he hasn’t taken any debt in your name? He’s only a step away from this if he hasn’t already done it.

Oh yes, check your credit record with Experian now.

You also need to find out how you can get out of your lease.

If he has taken out credit, loans, etc, in your name, get on to those companies now and talk with them.

Also, report it to the police. Yes, I know you won't want to do that, but realistically it'll make it easier to talk to those companies, because the first thing they'll want to do is report it. If you report it, it goes much more in your favour.

And LTB.

Just came back to say thanks for your advice everybody, i've left him and i will be moving back home as soon as i can! I just needed people with an outside view to tell me what i wanted to do was the right thing. Thank you for taking the time

Good luck with your future💐

Well done

Well done, you won’t look back

Hope you managed to get back home