I have been with my husband for 11 years.. we have been married for 8, and we have 2 DC, aged 6 and 3. Our marriage is strained (particularly so at the minute during lockdown), and if I am being truthful, I know that it is over.
I desperately need advice on how to go about this, or can I? For the last few years I have plodded along, telling myself that doing that was the best thing that I could do for our children, ensuring they have the stability they need.. but now I see that we would perhaps be better parents if we weren’t together. We own our own home, but I live close to family and friends, he doesn’t have any friends or family nearby. I suspect that he would consider moving away from this area to be closer to family after we separated. Our children would hate this.
He has a very well paid job, I work part-time at more or less minimum wage.. if I moved out of our marital home I would have to rent and claim universal credit.. something that is completely alien to me and I am unsure how to go about it. I feel in the circumstances I should let him stay in the house for the time being. I would be taking our 2 DC and our dog with me wherever I go.
He is not a bad person, he works hard at his job, he provides for us all, but over and above that does not do much else. All housework is “my job” even though I work 3 days a week and take care of the kids. He has a very pessimistic outlook on life, and in the current climate we are just clashing everyday, arguments usually end up in him ridiculing me for my point of view. He is draining me.
I have pin pointed a few rental properties locally that we could move to, close enough to where we currently live, schools and day care etc., but I would love advice on how to start the process? Should I seek legal advice before telling him that I want to separate or is this not necessary? With a view that I’ll need UC for financial support, can I start the application process before we move out? I’ve heard it can take some time to process. I have very little in the way of savings but could raise enough for rental deposit within a few weeks.
Any advice would be very much appreciated. None of my friends or family can really advise me on it as they haven’t been in my position.
Thank you :)