Back in my college days I met this guy. We tumbled into a situation ship with each other. At the time it was my first experience with a guy and I really didnt know what i wanted or how to go about things. In consequence I messed him and myself around, but we continued being in each others lifes for 5 years. Despite it all he was the one person I've truly felt at home with, the one person I could picture myself having kids with even when I dont want them. When I finally pushed him away for good I was devastated, it took me a whole painful year to get over. Now years have gone by, and we barely talk, only here and there. Im now in a relationship,which isnt good, but for some reason I always find myself thinking about him still, missing him. It's always been this case with all the people I've dated it's fine and then a couple months in or once the relationship starts to deteriorate I find myself longing for him again. Does it mean anything, has anyone experienced anything similar? I cant and refuse to believe I'm still in love with him, I barely know him anymore. The guy I knew has long gone, he went to uni and changed into a completely different person. I dont want to be holding onto something that isnt there and sometimes I dont think I'm being irrational, but then I cant help feel like I should be with him right now and everything I've wanted for myself isnt what I've given myself