Broke up today with controlling (used to be violent) partner and feel even worse due to lockdown.

[zoostorm1]

I have broke up with my partner and My 8yr is staying at his dads for a week and I feel so down and lonely. I lost a lot of friends through him and dont want to bug them coz we've broke up before. Im determined this time not to take him back but its just hit me how hard this is going to be. I know im better off without him as he was controlling and constantly accused me of cheating even though i hardly left the house without him or my son. We did have some good times and i have the holiday pictures etc on my phone. Its upsetting as I do love him but im not in love with him. Just feel its going to be so much harder to stick to my guns and not take him back right now.

You’re doing the right thing.

Hi @zoostorm1. I'm sorry that you're feeling down about it, but you've made such a brave decision, and one that is the best for you and your child, although you may not be able to see it at the moment.

I know you said that you'd lost your friends because of him. I'm sure they would be happy to hear from you and to hear that you'd broken up with a person who clearly treated you terribly.

Although you might have some photographs showing a time when he wasn't awful, they in no way make up for times when you were controlled, accused of things or assaulted.

Please don't return to him. I know it's really hard at the moment, but you need to show your child what a healthy relationship looks like and that does not sound like a good example of one.

Best of luck.

Feeling good doesn't happen straight away but it will come.
Lockdown for me is great because everyone is stuck in to lol.
But seriously it helps prevent you asking any stupid ex's round and gives you time to work on you.

I've made loads of plans and learnt that I'm actually a really fun person to be around. Even alone.

Thank you. Thankfully my son (different partner) never seen anything he was always at his dads. Im so glad about this its my one saving grace. I know if he had been home I would've broke up sooner. I havent even cried today since he moved out. Now reading your reply im in tears..lol.xx

@inatthedeep haha thank you so much. This made me laugh. I feel like ive lost myself completely. I was a strong confident fun woman before now im just boring and quiet and moody. You're right every one is in the same boat i should take comfort from that. House just feels so quiet and big and I've took him back every other time so i came on here in the hope it would stop me from doing this. Its hard to keep busy when we cant get out to do anything. X

I was a strong confident fun woman before now im just boring and quiet and moody

Not so OP. xx He made you that way but now you've binned him you'll be back. If you feel you need it you could talk to a doctor, therapist etc. And/or get back in touch with all your old friends- everyone is bored and I'm sure would love a chat- and they've no doubt missed you. xxx

I could have written this post. I think it takes time to get back to the happy bubbly person you once were. This is what I'm telling myself anyway. I hope you manage to reach out to friends it's so important to have that support network to feel strong. Some days I feel I have lots of people around me who support me other days i feel I have no one as everyone is sick of hearing the same old story. It will be a hard time but be strong.

I will try. Just dont want the rejection right now. They'll just think "oh how long for this time" and i totally understand because I'd feel the same. Xx

@misskick Its sad there are so many of us in the same boat! Hope you're ok. Inbox me if you ever need a chat. I find it helps to talk to people who have been or are in the same situatuon. My friends who have great reltionships don't know what its like. Xx

I dont think any one will ever understand until they have been through it. I had so many people say to me just leave, like it was simplest thing in the world to do. I lost so many friends and it's my mission to get a social life back after all this is over and build friendships. Take this time to find the old you, be kind to yourself, listen to pod casts, read books on building yourself up. Thankyou will msg x

@misskick yip. Its been building for a few months now so I was already distancing myself from him emotionally. Reading lots and watching box sets whilst staying out his way. I will definitely be having friends over (couldn't before too awkward) going out and enjoying my time with my son. Lots to look forward too and enjoy more when this virus is over with. Xx Any recommendations for podcasts?...I wouldnt know where to start? Something ive no clue about.