Is thinking about an ex emotional cheating?

[Neveintheskywithsaphires]

Hi all. I’ve got terrible, all consuming, physical anxiety and stress right now triggered by a thread I saw on here earlier. I’m worried I have emotionally cheated on my husband because I have thought about an ex of mine many times throughout our marriage. Just thinking, what might have been, what is he doing now etc etc. Sometimes I look his profile up on Facebook. Never contacted him though and wouldn’t. I do love my husband but sometimes think ‘what if...’ Would you class this as emotional cheating? I hate myself As I feel like I am betraying him.

No

Of course not.
Stop stressing over a non thing.
Its normal to think of exs from time to time. Even if you still had feelings for him it wouldn't be cheating. It's not cheating unless you act on it.

No. It’s not cheating. Its absolutely ok to think about an ex and wonder how they are doing.

If that’s cheating then 99.9% of us are cheats. It’s natural to wonder about an ex from time to time.

Why do I feel this way then? I’ve had to go to bed but I can’t sleep. Don’t think it’s related to CV either.

It sounds a lot like OCD.
• guilt way out of proportion to the act
• overthinking
• self-doubt and punishing yourself over perceived acts (You read a thread about someone emailing an ex to check in and now are worried that you have done something bad, right?)
• the need to confess

If I'm right, you often feel guilt over things that most people wouldn't think twice about. Then experience overwhelming anxiety that is only relieved by confessing. The problem with confession is that sometimes the person you tell thinks it must be worse than you're saying, otherwise why would you feel the need to tell them? Then it escalates. Or you try not to tell, but the burden of the guilt keeps you awake at night. All over something minor or even innocent. It's not unusual to wonder how people from your past are doing, especially now. Just because you look them up doesn't mean you have any intention of or have done anything wrong.

Experiencing overwhelming guilt and anxiety is miserable. It's no way to live. Please consider talking to someone about this. Therapy is good for unburdening the soul, sorting out what's real, and dealing with those feelings.

This disease has all of us on edge, and emotions are heightened. "Confessing" to MN was a good idea. Supporting each other is what we're (supposed to be) here for.

Ha! OP if that is cheating I literally just did it. Read something in an article about the movie O Brother, Where Art Thou? And remembered my ex from 14 odd years ago loved that film. Googled him- then fell down a rabbit hole reading about someone else we both knew back in those days.... it’s not cheating, it’s totally normal. It would cross a line if i had then emailed my ex, but even then just saying hey wouldn’t be cheating.

As others have said, sounds like you’re anxious and it’s a weird time right now so I get it. Chill out about it for tonight and consider getting so help to discuss it properly with a professional.

This is 'just' your anxiety talking. You've done nothing wrong.

Emotional cheating is people are actively msging each other with professions of undying love etc. You've done none of that. xxx

It might be worth considering what in your life has been happening that's been stressful/what's worrying you etc.

A lot of things are more anxiety provoking than usual in the world right now.

Maybe give your GP a ring- they can probably give you a phone appointment rather than you having to go in.

It's not emotional cheating.

However if these feelings are constant and you wish you were with your ex and your husband is essentially second best in your eyes then I don't think that's fair on your husband because everyone deserves a chance to be with someone who they are the first choice for!

Please dont hate yourself, it's not cheating.

You say you love your husband,, but are there real issues that bother you about your relationship? I dont mean the nigglg little things.

Do you maybe have your ex on a pedestal?

I am just throwing this out there as from your post it's hard to read how much you find yourself thinking what if.

I would echo the pp who mentions OCD.

If you're generally an anxious person, or honestly even if you arent, the coronavirus situation can very very easily tip you into OCD like symptoms.

We are living in an unprecedented situation. It stands to reason that your mh will dip at times. Be kind to yourself. Try to calm your poor worn out brain down a little bit - warm bath, a good cry, soft comfy clothes, watch something mindless for a bit. I like funny pet videos for this, or babies being hilarious etc.

FWIW, thinking something is never a crime, not even a personal failing. Your thoughts dont matter my love, your actions are what counts. Be reassured. You're doing fine xx

Block your ex on Facebook then you won't see his profile. He's an ex for a reason. Looking him up isn't doing you any good.

Thinking 'what if' is a waste of time. Life moves on and your ex isn't who you think he is, he is someone who will have changed just like all of us have changed.

Concentrate on what you have right now.