Am I being erratic or is he gaslighting me?

[MzDaizy]

I’ve been homeschooling kids all day. I just wanted to eat my lunch at the table quietly. I put some tomatoe ketchup on my chicken and he mentioned how much I had put on, in a negative way. So I ignored it and went to eat my food, he then followed me and stood and stared while I ate. I told him to stop and leave me alone, but he kept staring and smiling (a wind up smile). I threw my lunch down and went to the bedroom.
This afternoon I had a huge clear out of toys. He is he main culprit for not putting toys back in the right boxes so they get mixed up, and I spend hours sorting it out. I was just at the end and he started clearing things away chucking them in why box. I asked him three times to stop and he just carried on. So I lost it and we’ve had a big row. I feel like he’s goading me and doing it to wind me up. He even told me he hadn’t put things in different boxes when he had and that I’m psycho. I’m raging.

Yep he’s gaslighting you !

It’s like he lights the match, watches the bomb go off and then asks what happens

Doesn't sound like gaslighting so much as just being an abusive dick. Is he hoping to intimidate you? Does he often behave like this?

That was nasty, intimidating and goady behaviour. Is he generally difficult to live with or even emotionally abusive?

Every now and again but he tells me I need help when I call him out on it.

That is an abusive response from him.

When my 9 yr old does something wrong and I’m disciplining her, even though he has no idea what has happened, he will tell me to leave her alone and she’s done nothing wrong. Like he is trying to put a wedge inbetween us. I’ve told him we need to be a team and work together with the kids but next time he does it again

He sounds problematic. Have you kept track of this behaviour?
It helped for me previously to write down altercations, and come back to them at a later date (when they were being used for gaslighting) and go over them to both reassure myself and show him that it didn't happen the way he said it did.

That’s a good idea to do. Yes, I have to remember what he says when he is talking because he then says something didn’t happen. It makes me so frustrated and angry.

You'll need time to process this but, he isn't going to change. You don't deserve this, it is abuse and he's enjoying making you feel like shit.

Think very carefully whether you can continue to be treated like this or whether you want to take steps to remove yourself and your DC from this.

He will drive a wedge between you and DC. That in itself is reason to get the hell away from him.

He's a prick.

It sounds as if he gets off on undermining and confusing you. It's a control game. You're a toy to him, not a human worth respecting. I assume he's bored right now and that is making it worse.

Cunt.

Don't let him do this to you.