So I read something yesterday which has been swishing around my brain and makes me feel better about myself. Abusers actually lack esteem. The person who you are confronted with at the beginning is an act. They mirror the attributes that you are seeking. They do this by very quickly getting you to tell them your deepest desires and your faults (which most people probably do have). They won’t show you there true selves because they know they are not worthy of you but they want what you have. They want the very qualities you have. You have been chosen because of the amazing things you are. Once they find out what they need to do to keep you from running they will keep topping it up. They don’t want you to go because they need your qualities to live. Suddenly those very faults and qualities that they said drew them to you become the reasons why you are not “normal”, they become reasons why no-one would put up with you. But this is a lie. The worst thing of all is that instead of turning your anger towards the abuser they trick you into turning it towards yourself. So you end up hating yourself (depression).
All that time wasted on worrying about his feelings, what a waste of my time. He probably feels exactly the same as when I met him and I’ve been busy hating myself for letting it happen. It could have happened to anyone, the fault was not me it was meeting him. I’ve been giving myself a massive hard time lately. It was bad luck and my compassionate and loving qualities that were too bright, he spotted me a mile away. He was loving it that he made me dull. My husband was a cold calculated vampire sucking bastard.