How do you end things

[dancinginthedarc]

My husband had an affair and I took him back. I honestly believed that I could forgive him and we could keep our family unit and move on.

It's been a year and I am deeply unhappy. I love him but I'm not in love with him.
I cannot fully move on from the pain he caused me and his children, or the fact he was in love with another woman.
I don't think I want to. I wish I had been strong enough last year to not take him back, I think I would have been happier now if I hadn't.

The guilt of breaking our family up is destroying me. Also the guilt of making him end things with the OW, I guess I should have let him go and he would probably be happy with her now but instead I feel like if I end things he will be left with nothing...

I know there is only one answer and that is to end things, I just don't know how to and I'm scared of the repercussions to the whole family.

How has he been whilst on lockdown?

He's still going to work so no different really.

He made his choices at the time. You feeling guilty for messing up his chances with the OW is so messed up. Why do you care more about his feelings than your own?

You tried, it hasn't worked out. That's ok. That's the chance he took when he smashed everything between you.

He chose to stay as well - that was as much his decision as yours. He's an adult, he knew there were no guarantees. You're not responsible for the choices he made, any of them.

Just start taking steps to end the marriage and things will slowly fall into place. It's the old saw "How do you eat an elephant? - One bite at a time".

You are not breaking up your family, he did that when he had the affair. If anything, you should be proud that you at least tried to make things work, despite his actions. As for making him leave the OW - give yourself a shake on that one!!
YOu have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Your DH had an affair and you've tried to get over it but you can't. You couldn't have known how you would feel this far down the line.
He needs to take responsibility for his part in this ending of the marriage so please stop trying to take it all on your own shoulders.

End it in a calm and dignified way.

You've come this far, after deciding to make it work and you love him. Your children will benefit from having as little upset as possible.

As we are currently in lockdown, it's best not to just throw him out of the house.
Do you have a spare bedroom that he can move to?

Explain to him the things you have told us. Get him into the spare room. Start proceedings for divorce.

When the lockdown is over, have him move out and begin to find the new normal for your family.

You should have absolutely no guilt in breaking up your family or making him leave the other woman. She never had any business being in your marriage in the first place and it was the two of them that did the damage.

You're going to get through this :)

The truth is he’ll find a warm bed sooner rather later. I’m find it difficult to understand your guilt after what he did.

Your H already ended things, you were just attempting CPR
and it didn't work. No shame in that.

I'd just tell him that after all is said and done, in retrospect
you agree. with him, the marriage is over.