Fantasy vs reality

[mumofboystimesthree]

In a long term relationship/marriage do any of you get attracted to other people? If so how do you keep it as a harmless fantasy and not let it spill over into fancying someone? I'm happily married but do find I develop crushes on other men from time to time.

Personally? Perspective. I find even if I fancied someone, reminding myself that a) it would cause a huge amount of hassle b) it would really traumatise someone I really cared about and c) I’d only end up inevitably getting another crush on someone else as soon as I got used to the person anyway.

Sounds to me like purgatory. Constantly nuking your life and painfully rebuilding ad infinitum. So that’s what kept me from cheating. Not expecting Love to be True enough to stop me fancying anyone else.

Other people’s mileage varies. Like my ex.

Some very sound advice thank you! I do struggle with it when I'm bored or lonely. When DH is around and I'm busy with life doing fun things I don't feel like this as much. Guess I need to look at filling up my time in a different way!

Others may say otherwise but I think it's quite normal to be attracted to other people - apart from anything, there would be no need for marriage vows if we all became blind to the attractions of others as soon as we married... I've had some minor and one or two rather more serious crushes on other men during the 20+ years DH and I have been together and learnt a lot in the process. It's what you do with the feelings that counts and I think using a crush as fuel for a spot of harmless fantasy is absolutely fine - indeed your DH can be the beneficiary - DH is certainly the beneficiary if I come home from work a bit more, shall we say, fired up than is normally the case 😊! Also, despite the feelings of attraction, I've never acted on these feelings nor had the slightest desire to leave DH and be with those men instead because I love DH deeply and cannot imagine sharing my life with any other man.

I don’t have that issue. I have male friends but to be quite honest, men bore me, even the attractive ones. It’s always all about them. I find nothing interesting about them at all. I’ve got a DH and that’s enough trouble for me thanks. Last thing I’d ever want is to bother with another one. I’d be more likely to fantasise about a cute Megan Fox type. Men are obsessed with their “little men bits” and it’s just tedious. So no, not for me thanks.

@soannya that's funny 😂

@soannya 🤣🤣🤣. I think it's natural to find others attractive.....as long as you don't go cheating and ruining other people's lives there's not much harm in it. I've fancied lots of people but none worth losing my husband for. If you're considering actually cheating then it's best to end your relationship.

That made me laugh about men😂😂😂I live in a house full of boys and it's so true!

I'm glad some of you have said you get crushes too. Very true that it's how you deal with them that counts. I love my DH very much and would never cheat on him, but a little daydream now and then about someone else is harmless I think.

It's nice to feel attracted to someone and getting that excited feeling, as let's face it when you're with your OH for a number of years you feel a deep love for them rather than lusting over them all the time like in the early days of a relationship.